Tired

I am bone-tired. All this work is not good for me I don't think! When my alarm went off this morning it seems like it went off for ages, getting louder and louder as I just couldn't wake up, roll over and hit the button. I was in that dead, dead sleep that I just couldn't wake up from, and almost curled up and went back to sleep. If I had done that there would be no way I would be at work at 9am. Not that I want to be at work, I hate the place anyway.

Work yesterday was ok, it seemed to drag a bit, and the girl (Saadia) that I am working with is always great and has a chat and a laugh which makes it much easier. Nothing worse than working with people that you don't like! We chatted about her going off to University in a month and working in a research lab for the next three or four years, all finally ending up with her making a career in either bio-chemsitry research or becoming a lecturer at one of the Uni's. She is so, so clever.

We also discussed New York and how she has been there recently. She blew away my idea of New York though (although I have to admit, my idea of New York comes from all the countless movies I have watched) and she says it is very dirty and the people dress very plainly and there's yellow cabs everywhere. I have this stupid idea in my head of New York being all pretty and clean with fairy lights and styluish people ... pop gies that bubble!! I still want to go though. I want to drive across America, from one side to the other, to see everything that there is to see. I have read the reviews on it and it sounds amazing. So that is another thing on my To-Do List ...

But for the moment it is off to work to get by and pay the bills. Lets just hope that I get on ok today and am not too tired...

Saturday mornings ...

Are the only time I have off right now, so I intend to enjoy them as much as I can! The only problem is I am exhausted. I want to go back to sleep, so why the hell did I wake up at 7:30am on a Saturday and then decide to get up and put the washing in ... I give up. It seems that I will never be able to sleep late, no matter how hard I try.

The piano turned out to be a dud, but it might be worth restoring it, so I am still debating whether I should keep it. It is absolutely shocking that anyone could mistreat a piano so badly - it has been scratched and graffiti'd and abused. So now I need to find someone that will be able to tell me if it is worth keeping or restoring.

So right now, after the week from hell at work, I am going lie in bed and watch a movie and see if I can go back to sleep!

Piano!!

Well, yesterday was my first day back at work and I managed to stick it out for the whole day. It hurt like hell. It felt like I had a migraine all in one eye by the time I got home. But, sadly, being a mere temp (be it for Audi Press or no) not only do I get paid shockingly badly, I don't get paid for any time off at all. I kind of need the money!!!

Luckily, I have half day today for which I am actually upset as again, money means a lot when you have none, but I have to go for doctors appointments today. 1st one is at 9am with the regular doctor and then there is the eye specialist at 11:15 am and then I can go back to work.

Not that I can drive yet, my poor Mum is being my chauffeur. I can't stand this, this life thing is a nightmare. I feel like my legs have been chopped off. Well, I guess my eye has really. Its still full of blood, its still bruised around the eye, it still looks awful. I don't think it has improved at all looks-wise and the vision has only gotten better slightly. Hopefully the doc will be able to tell me how much longer this is going to curse my life for before improving.

But, on the bright side, I was given a grand piano the day of my op last week and had a mad panic to get it into storage and find someone that would take delivery when I wasn't there and so on and so forth. It was a completely mad morning, but there, I arranged it, and I have a grand piano waiting for me in a container. Today I get to go and see my poor dismantled piano in its container (they had to take the legs off to get it in) and decide what to do with it.

I have wanted a Grand Piano all of my life, so I am hoping that this is in good condition and that I will be able to keep it until I can find somewhere to put it. Which might be difficult going forward as you need a set of double doors to get it into any house.

So wish me luck, lets hope that I can keep my piano!!!

OUCH!!!!!!!

On Thursday I had an operation to correct a squint on my left eye. It wasn't a bad squint, only when I looked to the right did it become noticeable, but I thought that as my double-vision had just been getting worse over time I had better get it corrected. Also, once that has been sorted, I will also be free to go for my laser eye correction so that I can see clearly!

So I had to be at the hospital before 11:30am, and so I got there on time, as always. What they didn't tell me was that I was only going in that afternoon ... so from 11:30am to 2:30pm my Mum and I sat there like lemons. Eventually, just as I was losing my temper, they decided that it was time to take me down to the theatre to knock me out. So off i went, in one of those stupid little gowns with knee-high DVT socks, looking oh-so attractive.

I haven't been knocked out since I had my tonsils out when I was about 6, so it was almost like a first for me anyhow. It was freezing down there so they gave me two blankets luckily lol, and then stuck the little pads on my chest and the other thingy on my finger and finally the anaesthetist came in and knocked me out. I remember him saying to me "You'll soon feel all at one with the world" and I laughed back and said that I could feel it. That was the last thing I remember.

When I woke up it bloody hurt, I was dying of thirst and no matter how hard I tried there was no way I could wake up. they gave me water - there was someone sitting next to my bed, and the blood pressure machine was going on and off on my arm. Then they wanted to out drops in my eye and that bloody hurt like hell. I so can't handle pain at the best of times so this didn't go well at all - I bet they thought I was a complete pussy.

Back on the ward I finally woke up properly and asked what the time was to find out that it was 6:30pm or something around there. I almost had a heart attack as all I wanted to do was go home, so then made a conscious effort to wake up. I had a cup of tea and ate 8 biscuits in a row - the nurses must have thought I was a complete pig. I then sent Mom to the shop to buy me sweets and crisps, which I ate as well. I then felt sick.

It was then I had my first heart attack - my eye was patched up and I was all dosed up so wasn't really feeling anything. But then I felt the eye tearing and it was running down my cheek so I wiped just under the eye pad and there was blood all over the tissue, which gave me a minor heart-attack. The nurse quickly came over and said it was ok, it was normal, and stuck the pad back down so I couldn't get to it. He was lovely.

He also then told me if I didn't get up and move they would keep me overnight - I jumped up, went to the loo, got dressed, and carried on eating my sweets waiting for him to come and clean out my eye and give me the meds, which he did around 7pm. It was some time later before I stumbled out of the hospital, still half-drugged, and went home to Hope's cottage pie.

Friday was the worst I think. the double vision was really bad, the eye was aching. I eventually went to lie down and stayed down for a couple of hours watching Angel on my laptop, still in bed in my pj's. I finally remembered that I needed to put my drops in and so got up, thinking that my eye was feeling funny. When I looked in the mirror I almost died. The far corner of my left eye was full of blood and there was blood on my cheek running out the eye. I freaked. i have never seen anything that freaky in my life.

I phoned my mother and then the hospital as I had no idea what was going on and it was kind of terrifying. The hospital said to apply pressure to stop the bleeding and if it kept on bleeding then to phone back in an hour. I duly did this but it was freaky. The white of my eye was swollen with blood and with the swelling and the blood pushing against my pupil the double-vision was getting worse, so eventually we took a drive back to the hospital.

The doctor there said that it was a burst blood vessel and the blood had collected in my eye as it does in a bruise and that it would take quite some time to go away. Last night I slept flat on my back the whole night as I was too scared to sleep on my side in case it bled more, it was kind of a horrible feeling.

Today has been up and down. My eye is still full of blood and looks like something out of a horror movie, and I am still struggling with double vision and feeling very tired. Because of the double vision its kind of like I am drunk, keep bouncing off walls. Its like a headache in my eye that eventually spreads to the rest of my head by the end of the day. I can only hope that it will be better by Tuesday when I go back to work, as I may not have a job to go to.

I'm Sad

So much for all the plans and the big ideas that I had to go back to Africa. Turns out my boyfriend prioritises alcohol and his friends more than me, so I have called it quits as I cannot take the stress of it anymore. Its just not fair at all. Why does it have to be so shit.

On top of that I am going for an eye operation today, so between these two things I am really kind of nervous and upset. I hate hospitals. Anyways ... off I go ... wish me luck as you wave me goodbye!!

Back to Reality

Talk about coming back down to earth with a very hard thump.

Yesterday I started back at Paragon, where I worked before I left to go Namibia. I popped in last week to say hi to everyone and was still debating whether I wanted a job when I was offered one. I needed the money and so I took it. So I work at the little village shop on Saturdays and Sundays and then in the office Monday to Friday.

I used to work for Nissan Press, and the job I have now been given is Audi Press, so its a lot more hectic than what I was doing before and just not what I want. Audi is all very exciting as its all celebs and royalty and journalists, but really, its not for me anymore. The only good thing I can say is that for the moment it is only as a temp til mid October. Hopefully by then I will be sorted out enough to leave and get on with my life.

Well, I say get on with my life, but due to various circumstances my boyfriend and I do nothing but fight and currently aren't talking. I just give up. Its all just a pile of shit and I am sick of it.

Sunday's

Sunday's are meant to be lazy days, the days where you lie in bed and chill, watch movies with the one that you love, cuddle all day, and rest. It was only since meeting my man that I learnt what it is like to have these kinds of Sunday's, as for me Sunday was always the day to finish the housework, catch up with the family, run around like a mad thing and get the shopping done - things like that. And then we met.

Now, my Sunday's are my days of rest. To do as little as possible, to watch the day go by in a dream and not do anything. Unfortunately, I now work on Sunday's and am really wondering what I am going to do with myself at work when i know half he country is sitting on their butts at home.

Today wasn't that bad. There are a lot of cheerful people that come in and out of the shop, you get to have chat to most of them, you get to laugh at others. There was this fabulous black woman that came in this morning and asked for a pack of condoms - I had to ask her then which particular kind she wanted as we had two. She was quite amazed that we actually stocked two types of condoms and came to lean over the counter to inspect them. She then asked the difference at the top of her voice, completely at ease, and I had to point out to her that one was ultra-fine and the other was dotted for extra pleasure. Needless to say, with shrieks of laughter she took the dotted ones!

I have just realised that I need to specify what kind of shop I work in after that encounter as I am sure people will by now be raising their brows - it is a village corner shop that sells everything from the above mentioned condoms to milk and pizza. These are the kind of encounters that make the day go by so much easier - although we definitely get our fair share of grumpy old gits. One made me very angry today and I eventually was just rude to her - my patience with stupid people only extends so far ...

So there go my peaceful, tranquil, lazy days .... So long, farewell, auf weidersehen goodbye .....

Photos

This is the link to the photos I took on my trip ...


http://picasaweb.google.com/rhodajo25

Work Work Work

It is so depressing having to go back to work after two months of sitting on my butt doing whatever I felt like doing at the time. So from today (apart from next week Thursday and Friday when I have my eye operated on) I will be working 7 days a week on into the unforeseeable future. That is SERIOUSLY DEPRESSING but seems better when its all for a good cause I guess.

So for now its save every penny that I can get my hands on so that I can pay off the damned credit card and visa and have some for when I return to Namibia as a backstop. And then, providing all goes well, I will be able to open my own business and not have to work for anyone! Sounds like heaven, we can only hope that it happens.

I have all the normal worries - well, are they normal??? I'm leaving my family and a British passport to have a life that I would like. If my relationship goes wrong then I have nowhere to return but to South Africa, which I don't want to do. But then again, I don't want to be in England either really, except for my family ... And then, if this relationship doesn't work, what am I going to do with myself?? That would be a serious let-down. What if he turns out to be a very different person from the one I know when I get there to live permanently? What is it going to be like living so far away from my family? I am going to miss my parents and my nephews and my brothers and sisters and have no communication with them other than email.

I will also be living in a place that is predominently Afrikaans and German, of which I am crap at both. The German community does not welcome outsiders in with open arms and so that will be hard, particularly when opening your own business as well. I will need to learn the language - I did actually book myself on a German course last year and at the last minute the college cancelled it due to not enough people going for it. Can't win really.

So here I am, off to work with a load on my mind and not quite sure where to start ...

Back in England ...

... And guess what ?? Its raining!!!! What a surprise! Since I landed last Week Wednesday 6th August, we have had a few hours of sun here and there, followed by more rain and more clouds and more rain ... Although I did spend a week in Jersey and although it rained there too I think they definitely have better weather overall.

Anyway, so here I am after spending two months in Africa (Mid-winter in Africa I might add, where I sat on the beach and got a tan) and I am wondering what on earth I am really doing here. The weather is miserable 90% of the time, and 90% of the people are miserable too - makes for great days, I tell you! Nothing like loving the place you live!

After much deliberation and discussions, I have decided to give up my British passport and return to Namibia permanently. I don't want to settle in the UK permanently and so I think that even though I have been here for so long and my family is here, its time to make my own life. So as soon as I can get things organised I will be packing my bags and moving.

In the meantime, I need as much cash as I can get and so will be working two jobs 7 days a week - starting tomorrow! I didn't realise how lazy I'd become ... ha ha, don't I wish. So for a while its going to be lots of hard work for horrible pay, but for themoment it will have to be done. Hopefully it won't take long to get organised, or no doubt my plans will change again ...

I am off to enjoy my final day of freedom ....

Family

Is a very strong word, and should mean a lot to everyone. It means that you have those people close to you that will know you forever, that will always back you up, always look out for you, be there when you break down, be there for the good times and the bad times.

I always thought that my family was crazy and dysfunctional in a weird and funny way, and it wasn't until recently that I learnt just how much my family mean to me and how good it is for us to be as close as we are. Yes, we fight, we disagree, we don't always get on, but they are still my family and they always will be. I would do anything for any one of them.

My boyfriend that is here in Namibia, the one that I am with now, has made me realise just how important it is to have a family like mine, that I should appreciate them and love them for what they are, and not push them to one side. You see, he doesn't have what I have at all. It is a long and dramatic story, but he has never known his father at all, his grandmother raised him and his mother is not very well. He is not a son, it is like he is the father and his mother and grandmother are the children that he has to look after. It doesn't seem that he had the time to be a kid, to experience a normal life like I did. Seeing now the life that I had with the family I have, I realise just what my parents did for me.

In light of this, this week I did something which maybe I shouldn't have. To be completely honest, this is something I didn't think through at all. I got up on Wednesday morning, and decided that I was going to find his father that he had never met officially as his father - apparently he had tried to see him a couple of times. I had the night before asked for his fathers name, not 100% sure what I was going to do with it.

So I got up, and I found his father on the Internet, and I rang his offices. As he was unavailable I got his email address and emailed him - within the hour I got a phone call. Knowing now that they both wanted to meet, and by a complete miracle his Dad would be in Swakop that very night from Windhoek, I phoned my boyfriend and broke the news to him. I have to admit, I was missed completely when God was handing out tact, so it came out quite bluntly, I didn't intend to be so blunt, but the job was done.

Needless to say, we met with his father last night, Thursday 26th June. I think Pandora's Box has been opened.

African Sun

Is currently not so strong at the moment being the middle of winter, but hey, I have to say, its currently whipping the UK's summer hands down. At least here we have sun every day, and it is still possible to tan ...

We are currently sitting on the West Coast of Namibia in a little town called Swakopmund. We were in Windhoek for a week and then decided to come tothe coast as there was an opportunity here for a contract on Rossing Mine that is both interesting and pays a bit extra, so here we are at the coast.

It is really pretty down here, a real tourist town, but because of that everything is kind of stupidly priced, but it is a lot of fun being by the beach and in that atmosphere. I am in my 3rd week of being here now and time is flying, as it does, so soon it will be time to get on the plane and go home again bot for the meantime I want to enjoy it here.

I will soon be posting some photos on Picasa - as soon as that is done I will blog the link and keep updating it. The albums will be dated so everyone can see what we're up to. Today, however, I am off to sit on the beach and enjoy the sun!!

Ugh!!!!!!!

I've done another crazy thing. Seems I need to sort my head out and stop doing crazy things or I'm going to old and still running around not wanting to settle down. I just want the perfect job, and the perfect life, and I don't want it to be in this country. You would think that it wouldn't be hard to get that right, but hey ho, apparently it is!

My job working for the Press Office is great. I love some of the people I work with (you can never love everyone you work with), I love the cars we deal with, I love getting to drive them, I love the prestige of the job, the journalists, the Events, everything. So I handed my notice in two weeks ago. I finish work on the 6th June. I don't have another job, I don't have much money saved at all, so I thought I'd fly to Namibia for two months.

I finish work on the 6th June. I will then cane it down to Gatwick Airport SOMEHOW, haven't worked that out yet, and get straight on the plane. I will stay in Namibia for two months, get some peace and quiet, I might work a bit if I feel like although finding a job might be difficult lol, otherwise, I'm just going to chill. Then, after looking into things there for that time and getting to know the country a bit better, I'll make my choice of whether I'm staying here or I'll go back.

On my return flight on the 5th August, I get off the plane at Gatwick at 5:55am, hang around the airport for a while, and then get on another plane at 10am for Jersey to go to a wedding. Talk about cutting it fine. I haven't told the bride this as she may have a heart attack - control freak - and doesn't need to worry about anything else for the moment!!

On return from the wedding, I can then either get another job, or go back to college full time. I really want to go back to college, and my parents have agreed to help me out, but the problem with this is even though I am at full time college I still need to live, run my car to get backwards and forwards, pay insurance, have a phone, things like that. So that might not actually work unfortunately. So I guess I get a job - maybe in Brighton - and stick out another year in this country if I choose to. In winter. Yay.

Life is a journey, and apparently its not about the destination, but how you get there. So as we only live once, I can surely keep on doing stupid things!!

Beautiful Pictures

Snow Snow Snow

This was the view I woke up to on Sunday morning. Having faith in the Met Office, as we all do, I really didn't expect their wild ravings about snow to be at all true. So, when woken up by a crazy cat yowling at my bedroom door, I didn't expect anything different. So I dragged myself out of bed, opened the door for her to come in, and climbed back in bed.

She was not impressed. She gave me a dirty look and stalked around my room angrily for a while, whinging and this odd thing that sounds like a cross between a meow and a purr. Fine. I got up.

What she clearly wanted me see, as I stumbled toward the bathroom, was the blinding white glare coming from outside my sisters bedroom window. I did a double take and woke up very fast. Snow like this has to be one of the most beautiful sights. Everything is transformed into a perfect landscape, clean and white and beautiful.

There is a field next door to my sisters house, so after getting dressed I took a walk to the shop with my camera and started taking some photos. This seemed like the scene out of a movie like 101 Dalmations when all the puppies are running through the farmlands and hiding from the baddies.

So, I got myself together, trying to avoid a frantic cat as she stayed under my feet the whole time, whinging and making her funny noises but refusing to follow me outside. Thinking about it later, she probably was dying for a pee and had nowhere to go as her usual spot was under 6 inches of snow, bless her.


Well, after trying not to feel too guilty about leaving her alone with nowhere to hide from this stuff that had taken over her garden, I got in my car - after taking half an hour to get it out from underneath its blanket - I headed off to find my nephews.

The roads were awful. Either they hadn't been gritted at all, or there was simply too much snow to make much of a difference, and as there hadn't been that many cars on the road, I took a relatively slow and careful drive. The countryside was absolutely beautiful, so stopping to take photos and getting flipped off by irate drivers as they stormed down the roads with no appreciation for the beauty all around them really didn't bother me that much.

My car did some smooth skating around a few corners, down some lovely country lanes, to reach my Mum's house as she had the boys. They have to be the best fun in the snow, as they have the kind of thrill that onlychildren can from this kind of event.

They were, as expected, completely thrilled by it all, and i found my Mom, Dad, and Ethan and Aaron in the back garden building a snowman - what else do you do in the snow??


Bless my Dad, his attempt at a snowman wasn't great, so I though I would try have a go at making a real one. "You have to roll it" Says my mother. Well, two hours later we were still rolling until we could roll it no more it was so heavy. We rolled, and packed it down, rolled, and packed it down, until we just had no strength to roll anymore. We then smoothed him down, got loads of clean snow all over him to make him all perfect, and did the same again for the head. Boy did it take some time. But the end result was quite good for my first real snowman:

Then his head fell off.

Granted, it was only a couple of hours later and the sun had come out, there was quite a strong breeze etc, and we clearly had not given him a decent neck!

Friend v Boyfriend

I broke up with my current ex 13 months ago, when I met my new boyfriend that I have mentioned before - the one that keeps trying to get into the country and can't ...

Today, I rang my ex. We are in a difficult situation. He wants to be in this country and is happy here, I am clearly not. Sadly, he is here on my visa and if we notify the customs officials to this problem he will have to leave. I, having that stupid thing called a conscience, don't want to make him leave when he is happy here and has made a life for himself. Sadly, this means that I can't leave either. If it was just me, I would be out of here at a moments notice, blink of an eye etc etc.

So today I rang him to say that I needed some time out, and as this might possibly affect his visa, I wanted to check with him and make him fully aware of the situation I am. Due to the things that have happened in the past year, I am struggling with stress, anxiety and depression. I had decided that life was too much for me and I wanted out of the little hell hole that I live in and that I have made for myself and Africa was the place that I wanted to be. I was considering going back for 3 months to suss it out, get my head sorted, and trying to figure out what I wanted from life and where I should go long term. I was and am still convinced that England is not the place for me.

However, after talking for an hour and a half, the cell phone starting to burn up as it was completely over worked, he really tried his hardest to put things in perspective for me. Take one step at a time. Don't panic now over things that might not happen, or won't happen, or can't happen. Do one thing at a time, think about one thing at a time. When that thing is done, move onto the next one.

This all makes perfect sense. I also rather bluntly asked what I should do about my current situation. My so-called boyfriend in Africa, that I have seen for 3 months out of 13, cannot come here. Do I give up getting a British passport to have happiness now? Although, as my ex pointed out, what if that happiness fails in 10 years, or 2 years, or 5 years? What happens to me then? Will I be stuck in a country that I cannot leave if Africa goes bad as it seems to be doing almost daily? My family are all here in the UK except for a few aunties and uncles etc that are still in South Africa, so what if the opportunity for me to come and go as I please gets taken away by a government that hardly seems to know whats it doing at the moment?Is happiness now worth more than a lifetime of problems or possible unhappiness?

After all, how do you know that a relationship will last? You can build dreams and hopes to your hearts content, which we have done. You can wish for everything in the world, you can be sure that you want that person and will want them for the rest of your life, but life seems to have other ideas and can change at the drop of a hat.

So do I sit with patience, thinking that all good things come to those who wait. Sit in a country that I dislike, in a job I dislike, with people that I dislike, getting caught up in the twisted little nets of issues and drama's that come with living too close to people that you work with, socialising with them, see them every day of your life ... until you're ready to kill them all??

I know what my heart wants to do, and I know what my head thinks I should do. The problem is, which one should you live by, your head or your heart?

Shit Happens

Well, so much for Only a Day Away. Life really has its ways of knocking the air out of you so harshly it takes you some time to get back on your feet and be able to breathe again.

Friday didn't work out as planned, to say the least. He was sent back. Deported. Booted out. Never to return to this damned country, and I don't blame him in the slightest. For reasons that were not valid, simply because the United Kingdom, this First World country that we live in, expects everyone that flies in the door of wanting to stay here and abuse the system, simply because it has let every asylum seeker and terrorist do just that, it now picks on the poor innocent people that have no intention of staying here at all.

The stories that he told me of how he was treated in the hell hole of Gatwick Airport by so-called immigration officials are disgusting and horrific. They have made me sure that this is the last country I will ever want to live in, and I am now making arrangements to leave this hole. They can stick their British passport where the sun doesn't shine and go to hell with it. I wouldn't stay here if you paid me.

It amazes me that this country can get away with treating people this way. That they allow terrorists to walk in the door and make examples of innocent people. They push up the costs of visa's so that the poor people that try and stay have to fork out a fortune, almost a month's salary, just to be able to stay, when all that does is enable them to let another 100 asylum seekers in and support them when they don't work and then send them on holidays to the country they are claiming asylum from.

This country is a joke, and a horrible one at that. I would rather be in Africa with all the crime and murder than here on the whim of the arrogant shits that run this country.

Tomorrow is Only a Day Away...

Well, Time really does fly. Look at it, its already March and we have 272 days til Christmas. 9 Months. Hmmm... I need to start shopping!

Over and above that, there are a number of pressing matters in my life, of which most happen tomorrow lol ;-) I have such a knack for planning that tomorrow is going to be a fairly busy day. Let me explain.

I will be getting up at 4am, throwing on some clothes and driving to Gatwick Airport, which is 89 miles away and a good hour and a half. I will be late, which means my guest will be standing on the side of the road waiting for me. This is partly because I dislike getting up early intensely, and partly because I will be borrowing a tank from work and won't be able to park in the car park, so there is no way I will be early as I will not be taking a Navara into a multi-storey dinky car park that doesn't give you space to move in the smallest car, nevermind a car that's about 7 foot long. So tomorrow if you see a black Navara caning it down the motorway its because I didn't wake up in time and am now VERY late.

On top of that, its not just anyone I'm picking up, it is my so-called boyfriend - although you can hardly call it that as for the past year we have spent more time apart than we have together - actually more like 7 months apart and 3 together - it is now 13 months in total. So, earlier in the week, I lost my temper and bought a ticket for him, which means he has no choice but to fly, and if he doesn't, I would fly there and murder him, so his prospects were slightly grim. So he is finally arriving - what a surprise. The last time we saw each other was over Christmas, so it has been a while.

Then, after caning it back up the motorway, I have to throw him off at home and keep going to my Mum's house and follow her into Banbury so she can get me free parking in the city centre - I have to write the Life in the UK test tomorrow. Of all times to choose to write it - or alternatively to decide to drive to Gatwick - it would be at 9am on a Friday morning. If anyone has written it or will soon be writing it - honestly, what a load of crap. I spent a lot of time on the political section as that I knew nothing about. Well, when siting at work asking my English / British colleagues the questions that they were meant to know as having lived here all their lives, and they knew none of them, I really did laugh.

I then continued on to ask them a variety of other questions - and guess what, they didn't know! So if a British person that has lived in the UK all of their lives does not know the answers to these things, why should I?? Yes, I realise they have to understand that we can understand English and read, write etc, but there must be some kind of way to test us that is not a complete inconvenience to everyone.

On top of that, it is costing £34 in cash (which I completely begrudge) and a book that cost £10, as well as many hours wasted learning about the different percentages of people living in the UK, I really am quite angry. It is a waste of time, money, effort, and on top of that I have to take time off work to do it, which certainly didn't impress my managers in the slightest.

So, after completing the test and hopefully passing (if I fail I will die of embarrassment) I then have to cane it back to work - still driving the tank down narrow country roads now to get back to work - and spend the day there organising the fleet, at 5:30pm I will finally be able to make my way home and enjoy a peaceful weekend (hopefully anyway). I am very sure that something will come up at the last minute to ruin my peaceful plans.

Anyway, off I go!!

Sick again!!

Why the hell? Really?? Who did I piss off in a former life? This is like the 4th time this winter I am sitting here with flu, and I am not joking. Madness. I must be seriously run down, but even on top of that, really?? 4 times?

So here I am on the couch again feeling absolutely rubbish, and as it wasn't so very long ago that I was sick, I can't take anymore time off work. Well, I probably could, if i want to get looked at funny, treated like I'm taking the piss and not get paid for it.

Hmmm, leaves me a lot of options. I will be getting myself up in the morning, getting dressed, and driving into London to spend the day there. I am not impressed with it. I think its time I started looking for another job in earnest.

The Couch

Is where I have been sitting for the past 3 days. So, after being off work sick for 3 days and doing absolutely nothing - which drove me insane (actually I did do something, will elaborate later) I dragged myself off my bum today as I felt a bit better.


My mission was to tackle my mothers loft as I have all of my life stored up there. Sadly as I no longer have a home of my own I have taken over the loft to store my bits (more like tons) of stuff in the vague hope that one day I will eventually have my own place again ... ha bloody ha! Anyway, my Mum will soon be moving so I thought that it was about time to sort my things out and get them all organised so that they can be moved into her new loft ...


Did that take some time. Good grief. And there went my back at the same time. After four hours of moving boxes and balancing on little strips of wood, falling over clutter and throwing a cup of milo out the hatch to spray far and wide below, up the walls and everything else, I was also struggling to walk! So, I left it at that and will attempt it again tomorrow morning. Hmm, well, we'll see.


So after that joyful experience, I limped home to sit on the couch again - since I love it so much - eat Chinese, and watch Bridget Jones. I realised that (and this is only after watching Pride & Prejudice) that they are both very similar. Bridget Jones is a modern Pride & Prejudice. Anyway, I digress as usual, Bridget Jones has nothing to do with me sitting on the couch ... apart from the fact that I feel just like her at times (except I so do not say such stupid things and hope to God I never will!!) but apart from that (and the big knickers actually lol) a vodka and a cigarette will solve just about any problem!!

Being Sick ...

Is truly bloody miserable. My word. Its ok when there are people at home and you can whinge and be looked after by someone or be cuddled by your partner (well that wouldn't be happening with me anyway as after a year he's STILL in another country) but when you're sitting home alone it is soooo boring!

I came home half day yesterday, and that was ok, I pottered about, slept, caught up on emails whilst cuddled up under the duvet ... but today! Man! I was in bed until after 12 and time still dragged. It seems to go even slower when you feel rubbish, and today was no exception!

I spent enough time staring at my laptop screen so that I may just as well have done to work lol. Although I did fall asleep watching Obelix & Asterix - when was the last time anyone watched that?? Its wicked ... although I did fall asleep. Will have to finish it tonight!

Apart from that, not a lot going on ... Hopefully by the morning I will be well enough to drag myself into work!

Hurt

I have just added the Video Bar to my blog, and the first song I loaded was Johnny Cash, Hurt. This song is so so true and so heart wrenching. It makes me cry whenever I listen to it.

I think its so amazing, the life he had, the chances he had, the opportunities, and he would give it all up for the one person he loves - for anyone that doesn't know, he released this song not long after June's death. It was written by Trent Resner of Nine Inch Nails originally, and is an amazing song, no matter who covers it.

This song really makes me think, about love and life and whether we have something that we would give up everything for. Surely, if you do, that must be an amazing feeling; to have that someone that you would give up everything and everyone for - giving it up shouldn't be hard.

Returning to Normality

Well ... I've been away some time. I flew to Namibia at the last minute, as I seem to do every time, on the 21st of December, and spent two weeks there. Very nearly didn't come back!! We spent a couple of days in Windhoek, drove to Omaruru and spent three days there, then hit the long road North - all 1000 odd km's of it! What a trip, my ass was so sore. But how amazing! Its been many years since I last drove that road, and it was honestly amazing. The road just goes on and on, you can see for miles ahead of you and it ust never seems to end.

The heat was so intense. We left at 6:30am from Omaruru and hit the road in a crappy old Golf that completely amazed me by actually making it there and back! We hit Rundu at around lunch, bought some new windscreen wipers, and carried on into the Caprivi. As we drove North, it just got greener all the way, and by the time we were in the Caprivi it was just beautiful. When we hit the first rain the stifling heat just turned to a cool breeze that was so refreshing after driving so far in such heat. We wouldn't have guessed it as going to rain non stop for the next week that we spent there (its apparently still raining!!)

Arriving at the lodge after sitting down for 10 hours was such a relief, and the first thing we did was sit out on the deck and have a much needed drink! I got to meet my angel's Mum, which was not half as bad as I expected. It is funny how we make so much out of these things when they really are not scary at all! Anyway, this is the view we had as we sat out on the deck:

Hippo Lodge is a very beautiful place, and we spent just over a week there. Unfortunately it rained for most of this time, so getting a tan was out of the question, but I did really relax and spend some time with P and his family, which was actually very nice. As we will one day be moving to the lodge, it was good to see the place again and learn a bit more abouthow its managed and start getting ideas together for how it can be improved. The last time I was on the lodge was nine years ago, so my memory wasn't all up to scratch!!

We had a fabulous New Year - it wasn't big or expensive, we just had a lot of people from the town, arrive through out the night, we danced and drank and had a good laugh. I met some really lovely people and thoroughly enjoyed myself. We drank an awful lot, and after only just recovering the following day, we had some more friends arrive, and the drinking started again ... I have to add they didn't stay long as I really would have died if I caried on drinking!

We left a couple of days later, returning to Windhoek via Omaruru again. It just got sadder and sadder as I said goodbyes to more and more people - I absolutely hated leaving. The last two days spent in Windhoek we stayed with friends and worked on the house (for those that don't know I bought a house in Windhoek) as that really needed to be rented and tried to spend as much time as we could together. It was just a nightmare, the day I left I started crying that morning already, such a hopeless case!

Afer sitting with that awful dread on my shoulders all day, leaving was just murder. I cried again, but again just turned around and walked off, I couldn't look back. And then, the bloody government is so considerate, they really don't take this kind of scenario into account - you have to stand there and fill out forms before you can go through to departures!! I hated every second of it, kind of like forcing yourself to go through the motions when everything in you just wants to go the other way.

I got on the plane, and I still wish I hadn't. I sat on the plane and cried - people around me must have thought I was a complete nutter! It wa so hard getting on that plane and leaving him, it really was so hard. I could so easily have turned around and walked away from it and never looked back on England and life here.