The last week has been something else entirely. I guess you don't realise how good your life is until something is taken away and then you really have to sit back and evaluate things. I have had to do a lot of evaluation this week and I still do not know where I stand, so the war on the inside continues!
Last Friday was OUR birthday. It turns out that for Pio this seemed to be an issue all of a sudden. I had been sick with bronchitis as I previously said, so for me who was still feeling shit, I didn't want to do a lot as I was paranoid about smoking at whilst having bronchitis as it then turns to pneumonia, and the doctor had warned me of this already. Anyway, on the good side, my Mom sent me a massive bunch of roses that are still alive a week later!! Yay! I got Pio a pair of shoes and he got me 3 red roses and an IOU to go to a lodge one day when we have money.
It was on Friday that I finally finished the course of antibiotics and steroids that I had been given, and came off the cough mixture and nasal spray blah blah blah. Unfortunately I didn't feel any better and so I thought I should get the doctor out of the way on Friday afternoon instead of having to get up on Saturday morning. The only appointment I could get was 5pm, which wasn't ideal, but I thought it would take ten minutes. Unfortunately Dr Bierman must have been running really late as we sat waiting for an hour.
By the time I saw him it was 6pm, and then after listening to my chest again he referred me for x-rays which he said had to be done the following day and brought straight back to him. That being Saturday morning. So we went out for dinner, Pio had by now said what an inconvenience it was to have our birthday on the same day, which upset me really, because he wanted to do something big and I was still too sick and didn't want to drink as then I would smoke. So we went for dinner AFTER me telling him to go out with his friends if he was going to be that way. I would then go home as I didn't want to make myself more sick.
So of course he was the perfect boyfriend and came with me to dinner and was great all night. Hope rang me as well so got to chat to her for a while which was fantastic. Pio was also on and off the phone with his mother etc etc. We got home after 9pm and pretty much went straight to bed.
Saturday we were just at home and I wanted to go to the SPCA in Walvis - this as a follow up from meeting Clara here and wanting a dog. So he eventually agreed and we took a drive through. It was absolutely heart-breaking to see all those animals there, I kept swallowing tears. We drove back mostly along the beach, seeing 4 dead sea-turtles on the stretch between Long Beach and Swakop, which broke my heart even more so had to swallow more tears!! Back in town we decided to stop at WurstBude for a pizza which we did, it was great, and whilst there I told Pio to invite Gustav and Janine to come and sit with us in the sun and have a drink. Seems that was my fatal mistake. Apparently there was a Motorcross on the go and they were there.
The tricky bit was, I apparently had to be home at 4 to speak to my Mom who was ringing with a surprise, but the camera on the webcam hadn't been working for a week and Pio knew it. We got home at 2:36pm and he had to get that sorted as he hadn't done it before. He then said we could be home by 4pm to talk to the family, that wouldn't be a problem. So I said well then if you aren't going to be that long, go on your own as I am tired. Then all of a sudden as I wasn't going there was no need for him to come along and he couldn't really tell me when he would be home.
So alarm bells went off in my head. I know what he turns into around his mates when he is alone with them and drinking. So now he couldn't tell me when he would be home. He obviously has no interest in talking to my family either and never has said more than hell to them, when I get the phone forced on me constantly to talk to anyone who rings unless I run out the room and hide. So anyway, that then blew up into an argument as by now it was 3pm and he said then fine, if he has to be back by 4pm then he wouldn't go. My point was that he had known the time all along and now it was an issue???
Turns out it was a major issue. I said to him go then, but of course now he was stubborn and being a dick so blankly refused. I spoke to my family and the only surprise was that everyone was there to talk to me for once which was nice, so did get to chat to pretty much everyone, even Anita. After that conversation, where I was by now so irritated that I was snapping at my family, and told them straight that if my visa application wasn't in very shortly and that the issues weren't sorted then I would be coming home sooner rather than later.
After that call, it was then 5pm, and I went to try and talk to him again. I hate not talking, and I hate leaving arguments unsolved and hanging. I want them sorted and resolved then and there so that we can move on. He however is different, and when he digs his heels in then that is it and talking to him is a complete waste of time as he turns into an arrogant dick. He then proceeded to blame me for everything, the fact that he never goes anywhere, that he never sees his friends, etc etc, and of course when I tired to point out why I was just nailed as then hey, I was of course going to hold it against him for the rest of his life and never get over it and he would never be able to do anything. There was no point arguing, and eventually he had me in tears, as it seems to him that I must let his friends call me a whore and shut up about it, not fighting back of course.
It was long gone 6pm and dark when eventually I just gave up. I was being shouted at or ignored, he was being nasty to me, and I was tired of crying, so for once I did what he ALWAYS does - I got up, I got dressed, and went out to meet Anschen who had rung me earlier asking what I as doing. She was out with Waldo and Celia, so I joined them at Rafters.
I did text Pio saying that if he wanted me to come home than I would but hey, of course he couldn't stoop so low as to ask the girl that he supposedly loves to come home, so that developed into another argument. I then said well if that was it then I would simply stay out and behave like everyone else in this country as maybe that was how I would fit in, if I was a whore like all of them clearly are.
From Rafters we moved to Groenekrans, and I spoke to everyone, but eventually Waldo and I landed up sitting next to each other and talking - we had an absolutely great conversation about religion and life, and by 10:30ish I remember looking at my phone for the first time in ages and had like 3 messages from Pio and one missed call. So I decided ok, he was obviously worried by his now angry text messages (don't forget he has done this to me 100 times) and got in my car and went home. Only to find - - - GUESS WHAT???? He wasn't there of course. And on top of that, not only was he not there, but he had left his phone at home so that I couldn't get hold of him.
I thought OK, took the phones in case he rang me from somewhere, and went out again. I drove all over, to Janine and Gustav's house, then all over to every pub in town looking for Gustav's car as I naturally assumed that they would be together. I finally phoned Janine assuming that I would be waking her up - she told me that they were on the beach and Pio wasn't with them. I told her I couldn't find them and she said to let her know - I agreed and said I was going to keep looking but now had no idea what I was looking for.
I eventually went back to Groenies and called Anschen to come out. We went back in together but by this time I was so mad I just sat there whilst everyone talked around me really. I landed up finally having a conversation with some other random guy and taking a bet with him about his occupation, when Anschen walked over and said to me that Pio had just walked in. I spotted him, and then went over and gave him his phone. I wasn't rude at all. Neither was he. I went back to my friends and he went back to whoever he was with when next thing, Rulf comes over and drags me out to talk to me - well what an ass he was. Stupid fool, will not go into that conversation.
After Anschen saved me and went home with the rest of the crowd, I went to find Pio to say that OK, we had best go home and stop bing such an ass, it was over now. Well, he had found Eddie from Katima and so that was that, he was staying to drink. So we stayed a bit longer and of course he was super sweet to me and all over me. When the lights came on and I was trying to get them out the door, look who walked in but Gustav. He took one look at us and if looks could kill we would be dead. I had forgotten to let them know that I had found the idiot so they had come looking for us. (In the middle of all of this somewhere Gustav had rung me and I had screamed at hm and told him exactly what I thought of him and Pio which I think prompted him to come looking for us).
I bolted after him, apologising profusely, explained what had happened and he calmed down. Next thing, Pio arrives with Eddie and his girlfriend and they are now coming back to our house - this is of course another one of his games so that he doesn't have to be alone with me. Somehow he and Gustav got into a massive fight, and almost punched each other, it was ridiculous. Pio kept telling me to f off and how he doesn't want me in his life anymore. In front of a street full of people. I even got in the car and drove off and then went back to try and get him in the car and home. Long story short, it was just a mess. I took Janine home and managed to find Pio along the way as he had run off in a fit. He then jumped out the car and after dropping Janine off I had to chase him, it was just pathetic. Gustav had to come help me, and eventually we parked the Pajero and I got in with him to keep looking.
We did eventually find him, he came back to the house, but ran away and hid when he saw us, then had to be coaxed out like a bloody animal, it was just ridiculous. Gustav was a great help and gave him a good talking to - funny thing is how it didn't last. Gustav actually came up for m for once, I was so shocked I almost fell over, he really defended me and told Pio to wake up.
Amazing that a week later, today, nothing has helped or sunk in as typically, he is being a dick again and I am being ignored and treated like shit. What a life I chose, thinking it would be such a dream come true and that I would be happy. Funny really. I am going to go for the minute as I am sitting outside, it is baking hot and I am going to die. I will continue in a little bit.
Last Friday was OUR birthday. It turns out that for Pio this seemed to be an issue all of a sudden. I had been sick with bronchitis as I previously said, so for me who was still feeling shit, I didn't want to do a lot as I was paranoid about smoking at whilst having bronchitis as it then turns to pneumonia, and the doctor had warned me of this already. Anyway, on the good side, my Mom sent me a massive bunch of roses that are still alive a week later!! Yay! I got Pio a pair of shoes and he got me 3 red roses and an IOU to go to a lodge one day when we have money.
It was on Friday that I finally finished the course of antibiotics and steroids that I had been given, and came off the cough mixture and nasal spray blah blah blah. Unfortunately I didn't feel any better and so I thought I should get the doctor out of the way on Friday afternoon instead of having to get up on Saturday morning. The only appointment I could get was 5pm, which wasn't ideal, but I thought it would take ten minutes. Unfortunately Dr Bierman must have been running really late as we sat waiting for an hour.
By the time I saw him it was 6pm, and then after listening to my chest again he referred me for x-rays which he said had to be done the following day and brought straight back to him. That being Saturday morning. So we went out for dinner, Pio had by now said what an inconvenience it was to have our birthday on the same day, which upset me really, because he wanted to do something big and I was still too sick and didn't want to drink as then I would smoke. So we went for dinner AFTER me telling him to go out with his friends if he was going to be that way. I would then go home as I didn't want to make myself more sick.
So of course he was the perfect boyfriend and came with me to dinner and was great all night. Hope rang me as well so got to chat to her for a while which was fantastic. Pio was also on and off the phone with his mother etc etc. We got home after 9pm and pretty much went straight to bed.
Saturday we were just at home and I wanted to go to the SPCA in Walvis - this as a follow up from meeting Clara here and wanting a dog. So he eventually agreed and we took a drive through. It was absolutely heart-breaking to see all those animals there, I kept swallowing tears. We drove back mostly along the beach, seeing 4 dead sea-turtles on the stretch between Long Beach and Swakop, which broke my heart even more so had to swallow more tears!! Back in town we decided to stop at WurstBude for a pizza which we did, it was great, and whilst there I told Pio to invite Gustav and Janine to come and sit with us in the sun and have a drink. Seems that was my fatal mistake. Apparently there was a Motorcross on the go and they were there.
The tricky bit was, I apparently had to be home at 4 to speak to my Mom who was ringing with a surprise, but the camera on the webcam hadn't been working for a week and Pio knew it. We got home at 2:36pm and he had to get that sorted as he hadn't done it before. He then said we could be home by 4pm to talk to the family, that wouldn't be a problem. So I said well then if you aren't going to be that long, go on your own as I am tired. Then all of a sudden as I wasn't going there was no need for him to come along and he couldn't really tell me when he would be home.
So alarm bells went off in my head. I know what he turns into around his mates when he is alone with them and drinking. So now he couldn't tell me when he would be home. He obviously has no interest in talking to my family either and never has said more than hell to them, when I get the phone forced on me constantly to talk to anyone who rings unless I run out the room and hide. So anyway, that then blew up into an argument as by now it was 3pm and he said then fine, if he has to be back by 4pm then he wouldn't go. My point was that he had known the time all along and now it was an issue???
Turns out it was a major issue. I said to him go then, but of course now he was stubborn and being a dick so blankly refused. I spoke to my family and the only surprise was that everyone was there to talk to me for once which was nice, so did get to chat to pretty much everyone, even Anita. After that conversation, where I was by now so irritated that I was snapping at my family, and told them straight that if my visa application wasn't in very shortly and that the issues weren't sorted then I would be coming home sooner rather than later.
After that call, it was then 5pm, and I went to try and talk to him again. I hate not talking, and I hate leaving arguments unsolved and hanging. I want them sorted and resolved then and there so that we can move on. He however is different, and when he digs his heels in then that is it and talking to him is a complete waste of time as he turns into an arrogant dick. He then proceeded to blame me for everything, the fact that he never goes anywhere, that he never sees his friends, etc etc, and of course when I tired to point out why I was just nailed as then hey, I was of course going to hold it against him for the rest of his life and never get over it and he would never be able to do anything. There was no point arguing, and eventually he had me in tears, as it seems to him that I must let his friends call me a whore and shut up about it, not fighting back of course.
It was long gone 6pm and dark when eventually I just gave up. I was being shouted at or ignored, he was being nasty to me, and I was tired of crying, so for once I did what he ALWAYS does - I got up, I got dressed, and went out to meet Anschen who had rung me earlier asking what I as doing. She was out with Waldo and Celia, so I joined them at Rafters.
I did text Pio saying that if he wanted me to come home than I would but hey, of course he couldn't stoop so low as to ask the girl that he supposedly loves to come home, so that developed into another argument. I then said well if that was it then I would simply stay out and behave like everyone else in this country as maybe that was how I would fit in, if I was a whore like all of them clearly are.
From Rafters we moved to Groenekrans, and I spoke to everyone, but eventually Waldo and I landed up sitting next to each other and talking - we had an absolutely great conversation about religion and life, and by 10:30ish I remember looking at my phone for the first time in ages and had like 3 messages from Pio and one missed call. So I decided ok, he was obviously worried by his now angry text messages (don't forget he has done this to me 100 times) and got in my car and went home. Only to find - - - GUESS WHAT???? He wasn't there of course. And on top of that, not only was he not there, but he had left his phone at home so that I couldn't get hold of him.
I thought OK, took the phones in case he rang me from somewhere, and went out again. I drove all over, to Janine and Gustav's house, then all over to every pub in town looking for Gustav's car as I naturally assumed that they would be together. I finally phoned Janine assuming that I would be waking her up - she told me that they were on the beach and Pio wasn't with them. I told her I couldn't find them and she said to let her know - I agreed and said I was going to keep looking but now had no idea what I was looking for.
I eventually went back to Groenies and called Anschen to come out. We went back in together but by this time I was so mad I just sat there whilst everyone talked around me really. I landed up finally having a conversation with some other random guy and taking a bet with him about his occupation, when Anschen walked over and said to me that Pio had just walked in. I spotted him, and then went over and gave him his phone. I wasn't rude at all. Neither was he. I went back to my friends and he went back to whoever he was with when next thing, Rulf comes over and drags me out to talk to me - well what an ass he was. Stupid fool, will not go into that conversation.
After Anschen saved me and went home with the rest of the crowd, I went to find Pio to say that OK, we had best go home and stop bing such an ass, it was over now. Well, he had found Eddie from Katima and so that was that, he was staying to drink. So we stayed a bit longer and of course he was super sweet to me and all over me. When the lights came on and I was trying to get them out the door, look who walked in but Gustav. He took one look at us and if looks could kill we would be dead. I had forgotten to let them know that I had found the idiot so they had come looking for us. (In the middle of all of this somewhere Gustav had rung me and I had screamed at hm and told him exactly what I thought of him and Pio which I think prompted him to come looking for us).
I bolted after him, apologising profusely, explained what had happened and he calmed down. Next thing, Pio arrives with Eddie and his girlfriend and they are now coming back to our house - this is of course another one of his games so that he doesn't have to be alone with me. Somehow he and Gustav got into a massive fight, and almost punched each other, it was ridiculous. Pio kept telling me to f off and how he doesn't want me in his life anymore. In front of a street full of people. I even got in the car and drove off and then went back to try and get him in the car and home. Long story short, it was just a mess. I took Janine home and managed to find Pio along the way as he had run off in a fit. He then jumped out the car and after dropping Janine off I had to chase him, it was just pathetic. Gustav had to come help me, and eventually we parked the Pajero and I got in with him to keep looking.
We did eventually find him, he came back to the house, but ran away and hid when he saw us, then had to be coaxed out like a bloody animal, it was just ridiculous. Gustav was a great help and gave him a good talking to - funny thing is how it didn't last. Gustav actually came up for m for once, I was so shocked I almost fell over, he really defended me and told Pio to wake up.
Amazing that a week later, today, nothing has helped or sunk in as typically, he is being a dick again and I am being ignored and treated like shit. What a life I chose, thinking it would be such a dream come true and that I would be happy. Funny really. I am going to go for the minute as I am sitting outside, it is baking hot and I am going to die. I will continue in a little bit.
