Well, he's left. And no, instead of bawling my eyes out tucked up in bed with a bottle, the drive was so bad that by the time I got home I was shattered and just passed out.
Oh, I cried at the airport - we've got this thing, because now we're so used to leaving each other behind that when we do it now all we do is a lightning quick hug, even quicker kiss, and we both just turn and walk away. And yes, we both still have to fight back tears. It has got to be the worst feeling ever - and I can never look back to watch him walk away, I just turn and bolt.
The trip to Gatwick was awful - everyone that knows the M40 motorway will know that its absolute hell in rush hour, so instead of being clever and thinking ahead, we left at 5pm to get to Gatwick at 7pm - or that was the plan anyway! Fat chance.
I took my sister Hope with me as I have this fear of driving in the dark - my eye sight is quite bad and I struggle at night - and as she said "Oh, the traffic isn't that bad, we're at least moving!" we came to a grinding halt. I don't know how many miles we travelled at in 1st and 2nd gear, but oh my God, it was awful.
So, we see an exit and think "Hmmm, lets take this, the all-knowing Sat Nav will guide us down a different route" and off we shoot. Only to realise that ha ha the accident is right there on the junction and the motorway after that is clear. So we think "OK, we'll shoot straight over the junction and get back on a clear M40..." Well we did, but it took us half an hour to just get over the damn roundabout - apparently everyone else had the same idea ....
We finally escaped, and caned it down the M40 with an hour to go. And then there was the M25... The M25 doesn't have the name of the biggest car park in the world for nothing. It is four to five lanes of traffic nightmare and people driving like idiots. We battled through most of the M25 in 3rd gear - oh, and please don't forget the fact that it is pissing down with rain and the spray from the car in front is completely blinding. So you can crawl in 3rd gear and see where you're going but miss the flight, or you can put your foot down and hope that you see the car in front braking.
Oh well, we got there, and unfortunately he didn't miss his flight. It took us almost 3 hours and it should have taken and hour and a half.
I sometimes think that saying goodbye isn't the hardest thing to do, its the build up to it. All day I was panicking and upset and then at the airport you know that's it. I cried more that day than I did on the final hug.
So that's it now, he's gone, my life goes back to normal, and I wait for him to come back. So in the meantime I am going to throw myself into 100 other things and keep myself as busy as possible, whether its writing or going out or whatever, I don't care.
But right now, I'm sitting in bed alone, watching the sun come up as I write this - yes, its 08:23 and the sun has been trying to come up for about an hour now - and I am very, very sad.
Almost Goodbye ...
Well this is a sad day for me. As you’re not all up to speed on my life just yet, my boyfriend is not yet in this country. We originally met the first time I flew out of the UK to Namibia – well, we knew each other 10 years ago as childhood sweethearts you might possibly call us – so in my earlier blog when I said I was fed up with my life and relationship, in a mad strop I got on a plane to go see this bloke that I hadn’t seen in ten years.
Long, dramatic, eventful story later, I have been out there 3 times this year and he is planning on moving here to spend the next two years with me until we both move back to Namibia together. Anyway, so he came out here for a month to rescue the tatters of our long distance relationship – if anyone out there has done the long distance thing, don’t you all agree it is just rubbish??????
So he’s been here for a month. Tomorrow he flies back, and right now we don’t have any idea how long this next leg is going to take before everything is finalised and he can fly out permanently. I’m gutted. I stress easily as it is, and this is just driving me over the edge! So when I don’t add anything onto my blog tomorrow, just think of me at home bawling my eyes out, soggy tissues strewn across my bed, and a LARGE bottle of wine in my hand …
Ok, maybe that’s over exaggerating, I imagine I will cringe at the thought of being home alone and run to a mates place to drown my sorrows with a bottle of Bacardi. I will fill you in on the hangover on Saturday lol!
But apart from all that, the bottom line is I do not want him to go. Why are women so paranoid and over sensitive about everything? Why do we read so much into things that don’t actually mean a lot? And why is trusting someone so very difficult? I have gotten so used to waking up next to him in the morning, meeting him for lunch, and doing things together, silly little things like cooking dinner even!
Well, so over the next couple of weeks, or God knows how long until he gets back, I will be very down and boring … 6000 miles is a very long way away, and I am already dreading the astronomical bill my delighted mobile phone company are going to slap on me after this time away from each other. I’m going to paying them back for the rest of my life!
So, I will not be at work tomorrow, I will be spending my last few hours with my angel, and hoping that the hours drag, but unfortunately they won’t. So before I know it, I will be driving to the airport and saying goodbye to him, and neither of us know how long we will be apart this time around.
Long, dramatic, eventful story later, I have been out there 3 times this year and he is planning on moving here to spend the next two years with me until we both move back to Namibia together. Anyway, so he came out here for a month to rescue the tatters of our long distance relationship – if anyone out there has done the long distance thing, don’t you all agree it is just rubbish??????
So he’s been here for a month. Tomorrow he flies back, and right now we don’t have any idea how long this next leg is going to take before everything is finalised and he can fly out permanently. I’m gutted. I stress easily as it is, and this is just driving me over the edge! So when I don’t add anything onto my blog tomorrow, just think of me at home bawling my eyes out, soggy tissues strewn across my bed, and a LARGE bottle of wine in my hand …
Ok, maybe that’s over exaggerating, I imagine I will cringe at the thought of being home alone and run to a mates place to drown my sorrows with a bottle of Bacardi. I will fill you in on the hangover on Saturday lol!
But apart from all that, the bottom line is I do not want him to go. Why are women so paranoid and over sensitive about everything? Why do we read so much into things that don’t actually mean a lot? And why is trusting someone so very difficult? I have gotten so used to waking up next to him in the morning, meeting him for lunch, and doing things together, silly little things like cooking dinner even!
Well, so over the next couple of weeks, or God knows how long until he gets back, I will be very down and boring … 6000 miles is a very long way away, and I am already dreading the astronomical bill my delighted mobile phone company are going to slap on me after this time away from each other. I’m going to paying them back for the rest of my life!
So, I will not be at work tomorrow, I will be spending my last few hours with my angel, and hoping that the hours drag, but unfortunately they won’t. So before I know it, I will be driving to the airport and saying goodbye to him, and neither of us know how long we will be apart this time around.
Well, I have 15 minutes left of my working day, and when that clock strikes 5:30 I will be running out the door for a much needed drink! And not because it has been a hectic busy day – in a way I wish it had been – but no, simply because my butt is totally sick of this dam chair. The day has dragged as I am very quiet at work at the moment, and that is worse than being manic and having 100 people screaming at you.
My job – well, at the moment, I really want to leave. I work for Nissan Press, managing their fleet of cars that go out to journalists and TV programmes and stuff like that, so yes, we have some “famous” cars on site, but I have to admit, the job really sounds a lot more glamorous than it is! Don’t be fooled by the fact that I have the Long Way Down Patrol sitting outside the door and the keys in my desk drawer … No, it’s a vicious slog here at the moment and I am dying to get out there and fin myself a job where I can be creative and come away from work at the end of the day feeling like I have really accomplished something.
Is there such a job?? Really?? Please, someone give me the secret of finding the perfect job!
Well, I have an idea what that job is yet, this is the reason why in two years time I may be moving back to Africa, but that is a whole TWO YEARS AWAY!!!!!!! TWO YEARS! Right now that feels like a lifetime and I don’t like the idea.
So, should I toss my life and family and friends to the wind in the UK and go back to Africa? Well, this choice is going to take a lot more thinking about than a simple quick decision, but I am seriously contemplating it. As I am unfortunately not British by birth I don’t have the fabulous British passport either, which is depressing, but hey, I’m pretty sure I can get around that! Still thinking…
Ok, its taken me 7 minutes to write this, I need to post it and then start closing down so I can bolt out that door at 5:30pm!!!
My job – well, at the moment, I really want to leave. I work for Nissan Press, managing their fleet of cars that go out to journalists and TV programmes and stuff like that, so yes, we have some “famous” cars on site, but I have to admit, the job really sounds a lot more glamorous than it is! Don’t be fooled by the fact that I have the Long Way Down Patrol sitting outside the door and the keys in my desk drawer … No, it’s a vicious slog here at the moment and I am dying to get out there and fin myself a job where I can be creative and come away from work at the end of the day feeling like I have really accomplished something.
Is there such a job?? Really?? Please, someone give me the secret of finding the perfect job!
Well, I have an idea what that job is yet, this is the reason why in two years time I may be moving back to Africa, but that is a whole TWO YEARS AWAY!!!!!!! TWO YEARS! Right now that feels like a lifetime and I don’t like the idea.
So, should I toss my life and family and friends to the wind in the UK and go back to Africa? Well, this choice is going to take a lot more thinking about than a simple quick decision, but I am seriously contemplating it. As I am unfortunately not British by birth I don’t have the fabulous British passport either, which is depressing, but hey, I’m pretty sure I can get around that! Still thinking…
Ok, its taken me 7 minutes to write this, I need to post it and then start closing down so I can bolt out that door at 5:30pm!!!
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