Gone!!!

Well, he's left. And no, instead of bawling my eyes out tucked up in bed with a bottle, the drive was so bad that by the time I got home I was shattered and just passed out.

Oh, I cried at the airport - we've got this thing, because now we're so used to leaving each other behind that when we do it now all we do is a lightning quick hug, even quicker kiss, and we both just turn and walk away. And yes, we both still have to fight back tears. It has got to be the worst feeling ever - and I can never look back to watch him walk away, I just turn and bolt.

The trip to Gatwick was awful - everyone that knows the M40 motorway will know that its absolute hell in rush hour, so instead of being clever and thinking ahead, we left at 5pm to get to Gatwick at 7pm - or that was the plan anyway! Fat chance.

I took my sister Hope with me as I have this fear of driving in the dark - my eye sight is quite bad and I struggle at night - and as she said "Oh, the traffic isn't that bad, we're at least moving!" we came to a grinding halt. I don't know how many miles we travelled at in 1st and 2nd gear, but oh my God, it was awful.

So, we see an exit and think "Hmmm, lets take this, the all-knowing Sat Nav will guide us down a different route" and off we shoot. Only to realise that ha ha the accident is right there on the junction and the motorway after that is clear. So we think "OK, we'll shoot straight over the junction and get back on a clear M40..." Well we did, but it took us half an hour to just get over the damn roundabout - apparently everyone else had the same idea ....

We finally escaped, and caned it down the M40 with an hour to go. And then there was the M25... The M25 doesn't have the name of the biggest car park in the world for nothing. It is four to five lanes of traffic nightmare and people driving like idiots. We battled through most of the M25 in 3rd gear - oh, and please don't forget the fact that it is pissing down with rain and the spray from the car in front is completely blinding. So you can crawl in 3rd gear and see where you're going but miss the flight, or you can put your foot down and hope that you see the car in front braking.

Oh well, we got there, and unfortunately he didn't miss his flight. It took us almost 3 hours and it should have taken and hour and a half.

I sometimes think that saying goodbye isn't the hardest thing to do, its the build up to it. All day I was panicking and upset and then at the airport you know that's it. I cried more that day than I did on the final hug.

So that's it now, he's gone, my life goes back to normal, and I wait for him to come back. So in the meantime I am going to throw myself into 100 other things and keep myself as busy as possible, whether its writing or going out or whatever, I don't care.

But right now, I'm sitting in bed alone, watching the sun come up as I write this - yes, its 08:23 and the sun has been trying to come up for about an hour now - and I am very, very sad.