My last post was a complete rant about the stupidity of my boyfriend and life. I never even finished it as it just got more ridiculous from there on in. Then, life threw me another curve ball, which I attempted to duck, miscalculated completely it seems, and got smacked in the face.
It turns out that my boyfriend, the one that I gave up my life, friends, family, car, and boys for, took it on himself to cheat on me whilst I was planning to move here. So whilst I was sitting at home planning my move and saving every possible cent that I had to my name, packing and handing in my notice, he was out partying and sticking his tongue down her throat.
Then, after my arrival, when I heard about this, I confronted him with it only to have him lie to me. Seven months later I hear it again and confront him again, only to hear another lie, so eventually approached the girl in question. The maddening thing is, is that this was my so-called friend. She had been welcome in my house, had partied with us, and was (apparently) a good friend. Haven't I been made the fool.
I am sitting here in front of my laptop, debating life. The story gets even more sordid though. Not only did she become my friend, but my other so-called friend told her to not tell me about it as I would be upset - oh gee, I wonder why I would be upset. Over nothing really. My other friend apparently couldn't say whether the deed had happened or not, only that she suspected. So she suspects something but makes sure that the girl in question does NOT tell me anything - so she must have known logically.
Then, my other friends husband, whom I recently decided to view as a friend, when asked the question, mentioned that night as well but said that he wasn't there, which I today found out is a lie as well. He was there and must have known apparently. Gee, who needs liars when you have all these friends around.
This just makes me wonder sadly. I am the type of friend that will fight for you, that will defend you, that will look after you, that will do anything for you. Apparently no one else has these values (I lie, Vicky does) so where does friendship go from here? And honestly, who the f'ing hell can be trusted? I have never done anything to any of these people. Yes, I am a bolshy bitch that says what I feel when I feel it. I am opinionated and will stand up fiercely for whatever I feel is right. It seems that has made me some enemies in this place.
Clearly I do not fit in with the normal, two-faced, lying crowd. But does that mean that I am never going to have any friends in this place? And if you can't trust the people closest to you then who the hell can you trust? Should my "friends" have told me about it or not? I think that they should have. I gave up everything for this man. For nothing it seems.
I am in the process of evaluating my life and trying to figure out what I want. I no longer know how I feel about anything. I couldn't tell you how I feel about my friends or my boyfriend. I don't know whether I will stay here or leave. And if I leave, where do I go?
Then, after my arrival, when I heard about this, I confronted him with it only to have him lie to me. Seven months later I hear it again and confront him again, only to hear another lie, so eventually approached the girl in question. The maddening thing is, is that this was my so-called friend. She had been welcome in my house, had partied with us, and was (apparently) a good friend. Haven't I been made the fool.
I am sitting here in front of my laptop, debating life. The story gets even more sordid though. Not only did she become my friend, but my other so-called friend told her to not tell me about it as I would be upset - oh gee, I wonder why I would be upset. Over nothing really. My other friend apparently couldn't say whether the deed had happened or not, only that she suspected. So she suspects something but makes sure that the girl in question does NOT tell me anything - so she must have known logically.
Then, my other friends husband, whom I recently decided to view as a friend, when asked the question, mentioned that night as well but said that he wasn't there, which I today found out is a lie as well. He was there and must have known apparently. Gee, who needs liars when you have all these friends around.
This just makes me wonder sadly. I am the type of friend that will fight for you, that will defend you, that will look after you, that will do anything for you. Apparently no one else has these values (I lie, Vicky does) so where does friendship go from here? And honestly, who the f'ing hell can be trusted? I have never done anything to any of these people. Yes, I am a bolshy bitch that says what I feel when I feel it. I am opinionated and will stand up fiercely for whatever I feel is right. It seems that has made me some enemies in this place.
Clearly I do not fit in with the normal, two-faced, lying crowd. But does that mean that I am never going to have any friends in this place? And if you can't trust the people closest to you then who the hell can you trust? Should my "friends" have told me about it or not? I think that they should have. I gave up everything for this man. For nothing it seems.
I am in the process of evaluating my life and trying to figure out what I want. I no longer know how I feel about anything. I couldn't tell you how I feel about my friends or my boyfriend. I don't know whether I will stay here or leave. And if I leave, where do I go?
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