Tired

I am bone-tired. All this work is not good for me I don't think! When my alarm went off this morning it seems like it went off for ages, getting louder and louder as I just couldn't wake up, roll over and hit the button. I was in that dead, dead sleep that I just couldn't wake up from, and almost curled up and went back to sleep. If I had done that there would be no way I would be at work at 9am. Not that I want to be at work, I hate the place anyway.

Work yesterday was ok, it seemed to drag a bit, and the girl (Saadia) that I am working with is always great and has a chat and a laugh which makes it much easier. Nothing worse than working with people that you don't like! We chatted about her going off to University in a month and working in a research lab for the next three or four years, all finally ending up with her making a career in either bio-chemsitry research or becoming a lecturer at one of the Uni's. She is so, so clever.

We also discussed New York and how she has been there recently. She blew away my idea of New York though (although I have to admit, my idea of New York comes from all the countless movies I have watched) and she says it is very dirty and the people dress very plainly and there's yellow cabs everywhere. I have this stupid idea in my head of New York being all pretty and clean with fairy lights and styluish people ... pop gies that bubble!! I still want to go though. I want to drive across America, from one side to the other, to see everything that there is to see. I have read the reviews on it and it sounds amazing. So that is another thing on my To-Do List ...

But for the moment it is off to work to get by and pay the bills. Lets just hope that I get on ok today and am not too tired...

Saturday mornings ...

Are the only time I have off right now, so I intend to enjoy them as much as I can! The only problem is I am exhausted. I want to go back to sleep, so why the hell did I wake up at 7:30am on a Saturday and then decide to get up and put the washing in ... I give up. It seems that I will never be able to sleep late, no matter how hard I try.

The piano turned out to be a dud, but it might be worth restoring it, so I am still debating whether I should keep it. It is absolutely shocking that anyone could mistreat a piano so badly - it has been scratched and graffiti'd and abused. So now I need to find someone that will be able to tell me if it is worth keeping or restoring.

So right now, after the week from hell at work, I am going lie in bed and watch a movie and see if I can go back to sleep!

Piano!!

Well, yesterday was my first day back at work and I managed to stick it out for the whole day. It hurt like hell. It felt like I had a migraine all in one eye by the time I got home. But, sadly, being a mere temp (be it for Audi Press or no) not only do I get paid shockingly badly, I don't get paid for any time off at all. I kind of need the money!!!

Luckily, I have half day today for which I am actually upset as again, money means a lot when you have none, but I have to go for doctors appointments today. 1st one is at 9am with the regular doctor and then there is the eye specialist at 11:15 am and then I can go back to work.

Not that I can drive yet, my poor Mum is being my chauffeur. I can't stand this, this life thing is a nightmare. I feel like my legs have been chopped off. Well, I guess my eye has really. Its still full of blood, its still bruised around the eye, it still looks awful. I don't think it has improved at all looks-wise and the vision has only gotten better slightly. Hopefully the doc will be able to tell me how much longer this is going to curse my life for before improving.

But, on the bright side, I was given a grand piano the day of my op last week and had a mad panic to get it into storage and find someone that would take delivery when I wasn't there and so on and so forth. It was a completely mad morning, but there, I arranged it, and I have a grand piano waiting for me in a container. Today I get to go and see my poor dismantled piano in its container (they had to take the legs off to get it in) and decide what to do with it.

I have wanted a Grand Piano all of my life, so I am hoping that this is in good condition and that I will be able to keep it until I can find somewhere to put it. Which might be difficult going forward as you need a set of double doors to get it into any house.

So wish me luck, lets hope that I can keep my piano!!!

OUCH!!!!!!!

On Thursday I had an operation to correct a squint on my left eye. It wasn't a bad squint, only when I looked to the right did it become noticeable, but I thought that as my double-vision had just been getting worse over time I had better get it corrected. Also, once that has been sorted, I will also be free to go for my laser eye correction so that I can see clearly!

So I had to be at the hospital before 11:30am, and so I got there on time, as always. What they didn't tell me was that I was only going in that afternoon ... so from 11:30am to 2:30pm my Mum and I sat there like lemons. Eventually, just as I was losing my temper, they decided that it was time to take me down to the theatre to knock me out. So off i went, in one of those stupid little gowns with knee-high DVT socks, looking oh-so attractive.

I haven't been knocked out since I had my tonsils out when I was about 6, so it was almost like a first for me anyhow. It was freezing down there so they gave me two blankets luckily lol, and then stuck the little pads on my chest and the other thingy on my finger and finally the anaesthetist came in and knocked me out. I remember him saying to me "You'll soon feel all at one with the world" and I laughed back and said that I could feel it. That was the last thing I remember.

When I woke up it bloody hurt, I was dying of thirst and no matter how hard I tried there was no way I could wake up. they gave me water - there was someone sitting next to my bed, and the blood pressure machine was going on and off on my arm. Then they wanted to out drops in my eye and that bloody hurt like hell. I so can't handle pain at the best of times so this didn't go well at all - I bet they thought I was a complete pussy.

Back on the ward I finally woke up properly and asked what the time was to find out that it was 6:30pm or something around there. I almost had a heart attack as all I wanted to do was go home, so then made a conscious effort to wake up. I had a cup of tea and ate 8 biscuits in a row - the nurses must have thought I was a complete pig. I then sent Mom to the shop to buy me sweets and crisps, which I ate as well. I then felt sick.

It was then I had my first heart attack - my eye was patched up and I was all dosed up so wasn't really feeling anything. But then I felt the eye tearing and it was running down my cheek so I wiped just under the eye pad and there was blood all over the tissue, which gave me a minor heart-attack. The nurse quickly came over and said it was ok, it was normal, and stuck the pad back down so I couldn't get to it. He was lovely.

He also then told me if I didn't get up and move they would keep me overnight - I jumped up, went to the loo, got dressed, and carried on eating my sweets waiting for him to come and clean out my eye and give me the meds, which he did around 7pm. It was some time later before I stumbled out of the hospital, still half-drugged, and went home to Hope's cottage pie.

Friday was the worst I think. the double vision was really bad, the eye was aching. I eventually went to lie down and stayed down for a couple of hours watching Angel on my laptop, still in bed in my pj's. I finally remembered that I needed to put my drops in and so got up, thinking that my eye was feeling funny. When I looked in the mirror I almost died. The far corner of my left eye was full of blood and there was blood on my cheek running out the eye. I freaked. i have never seen anything that freaky in my life.

I phoned my mother and then the hospital as I had no idea what was going on and it was kind of terrifying. The hospital said to apply pressure to stop the bleeding and if it kept on bleeding then to phone back in an hour. I duly did this but it was freaky. The white of my eye was swollen with blood and with the swelling and the blood pushing against my pupil the double-vision was getting worse, so eventually we took a drive back to the hospital.

The doctor there said that it was a burst blood vessel and the blood had collected in my eye as it does in a bruise and that it would take quite some time to go away. Last night I slept flat on my back the whole night as I was too scared to sleep on my side in case it bled more, it was kind of a horrible feeling.

Today has been up and down. My eye is still full of blood and looks like something out of a horror movie, and I am still struggling with double vision and feeling very tired. Because of the double vision its kind of like I am drunk, keep bouncing off walls. Its like a headache in my eye that eventually spreads to the rest of my head by the end of the day. I can only hope that it will be better by Tuesday when I go back to work, as I may not have a job to go to.

I'm Sad

So much for all the plans and the big ideas that I had to go back to Africa. Turns out my boyfriend prioritises alcohol and his friends more than me, so I have called it quits as I cannot take the stress of it anymore. Its just not fair at all. Why does it have to be so shit.

On top of that I am going for an eye operation today, so between these two things I am really kind of nervous and upset. I hate hospitals. Anyways ... off I go ... wish me luck as you wave me goodbye!!

Back to Reality

Talk about coming back down to earth with a very hard thump.

Yesterday I started back at Paragon, where I worked before I left to go Namibia. I popped in last week to say hi to everyone and was still debating whether I wanted a job when I was offered one. I needed the money and so I took it. So I work at the little village shop on Saturdays and Sundays and then in the office Monday to Friday.

I used to work for Nissan Press, and the job I have now been given is Audi Press, so its a lot more hectic than what I was doing before and just not what I want. Audi is all very exciting as its all celebs and royalty and journalists, but really, its not for me anymore. The only good thing I can say is that for the moment it is only as a temp til mid October. Hopefully by then I will be sorted out enough to leave and get on with my life.

Well, I say get on with my life, but due to various circumstances my boyfriend and I do nothing but fight and currently aren't talking. I just give up. Its all just a pile of shit and I am sick of it.

Sunday's

Sunday's are meant to be lazy days, the days where you lie in bed and chill, watch movies with the one that you love, cuddle all day, and rest. It was only since meeting my man that I learnt what it is like to have these kinds of Sunday's, as for me Sunday was always the day to finish the housework, catch up with the family, run around like a mad thing and get the shopping done - things like that. And then we met.

Now, my Sunday's are my days of rest. To do as little as possible, to watch the day go by in a dream and not do anything. Unfortunately, I now work on Sunday's and am really wondering what I am going to do with myself at work when i know half he country is sitting on their butts at home.

Today wasn't that bad. There are a lot of cheerful people that come in and out of the shop, you get to have chat to most of them, you get to laugh at others. There was this fabulous black woman that came in this morning and asked for a pack of condoms - I had to ask her then which particular kind she wanted as we had two. She was quite amazed that we actually stocked two types of condoms and came to lean over the counter to inspect them. She then asked the difference at the top of her voice, completely at ease, and I had to point out to her that one was ultra-fine and the other was dotted for extra pleasure. Needless to say, with shrieks of laughter she took the dotted ones!

I have just realised that I need to specify what kind of shop I work in after that encounter as I am sure people will by now be raising their brows - it is a village corner shop that sells everything from the above mentioned condoms to milk and pizza. These are the kind of encounters that make the day go by so much easier - although we definitely get our fair share of grumpy old gits. One made me very angry today and I eventually was just rude to her - my patience with stupid people only extends so far ...

So there go my peaceful, tranquil, lazy days .... So long, farewell, auf weidersehen goodbye .....

Photos

This is the link to the photos I took on my trip ...


http://picasaweb.google.com/rhodajo25

Work Work Work

It is so depressing having to go back to work after two months of sitting on my butt doing whatever I felt like doing at the time. So from today (apart from next week Thursday and Friday when I have my eye operated on) I will be working 7 days a week on into the unforeseeable future. That is SERIOUSLY DEPRESSING but seems better when its all for a good cause I guess.

So for now its save every penny that I can get my hands on so that I can pay off the damned credit card and visa and have some for when I return to Namibia as a backstop. And then, providing all goes well, I will be able to open my own business and not have to work for anyone! Sounds like heaven, we can only hope that it happens.

I have all the normal worries - well, are they normal??? I'm leaving my family and a British passport to have a life that I would like. If my relationship goes wrong then I have nowhere to return but to South Africa, which I don't want to do. But then again, I don't want to be in England either really, except for my family ... And then, if this relationship doesn't work, what am I going to do with myself?? That would be a serious let-down. What if he turns out to be a very different person from the one I know when I get there to live permanently? What is it going to be like living so far away from my family? I am going to miss my parents and my nephews and my brothers and sisters and have no communication with them other than email.

I will also be living in a place that is predominently Afrikaans and German, of which I am crap at both. The German community does not welcome outsiders in with open arms and so that will be hard, particularly when opening your own business as well. I will need to learn the language - I did actually book myself on a German course last year and at the last minute the college cancelled it due to not enough people going for it. Can't win really.

So here I am, off to work with a load on my mind and not quite sure where to start ...

Back in England ...

... And guess what ?? Its raining!!!! What a surprise! Since I landed last Week Wednesday 6th August, we have had a few hours of sun here and there, followed by more rain and more clouds and more rain ... Although I did spend a week in Jersey and although it rained there too I think they definitely have better weather overall.

Anyway, so here I am after spending two months in Africa (Mid-winter in Africa I might add, where I sat on the beach and got a tan) and I am wondering what on earth I am really doing here. The weather is miserable 90% of the time, and 90% of the people are miserable too - makes for great days, I tell you! Nothing like loving the place you live!

After much deliberation and discussions, I have decided to give up my British passport and return to Namibia permanently. I don't want to settle in the UK permanently and so I think that even though I have been here for so long and my family is here, its time to make my own life. So as soon as I can get things organised I will be packing my bags and moving.

In the meantime, I need as much cash as I can get and so will be working two jobs 7 days a week - starting tomorrow! I didn't realise how lazy I'd become ... ha ha, don't I wish. So for a while its going to be lots of hard work for horrible pay, but for themoment it will have to be done. Hopefully it won't take long to get organised, or no doubt my plans will change again ...

I am off to enjoy my final day of freedom ....