Why the hell? Really?? Who did I piss off in a former life? This is like the 4th time this winter I am sitting here with flu, and I am not joking. Madness. I must be seriously run down, but even on top of that, really?? 4 times?
So here I am on the couch again feeling absolutely rubbish, and as it wasn't so very long ago that I was sick, I can't take anymore time off work. Well, I probably could, if i want to get looked at funny, treated like I'm taking the piss and not get paid for it.
Hmmm, leaves me a lot of options. I will be getting myself up in the morning, getting dressed, and driving into London to spend the day there. I am not impressed with it. I think its time I started looking for another job in earnest.
The Couch
Is where I have been sitting for the past 3 days. So, after being off work sick for 3 days and doing absolutely nothing - which drove me insane (actually I did do something, will elaborate later) I dragged myself off my bum today as I felt a bit better.
My mission was to tackle my mothers loft as I have all of my life stored up there. Sadly as I no longer have a home of my own I have taken over the loft to store my bits (more like tons) of stuff in the vague hope that one day I will eventually have my own place again ... ha bloody ha! Anyway, my Mum will soon be moving so I thought that it was about time to sort my things out and get them all organised so that they can be moved into her new loft ...
Did that take some time. Good grief. And there went my back at the same time. After four hours of moving boxes and balancing on little strips of wood, falling over clutter and throwing a cup of milo out the hatch to spray far and wide below, up the walls and everything else, I was also struggling to walk! So, I left it at that and will attempt it again tomorrow morning. Hmm, well, we'll see.
So after that joyful experience, I limped home to sit on the couch again - since I love it so much - eat Chinese, and watch Bridget Jones. I realised that (and this is only after watching Pride & Prejudice) that they are both very similar. Bridget Jones is a modern Pride & Prejudice. Anyway, I digress as usual, Bridget Jones has nothing to do with me sitting on the couch ... apart from the fact that I feel just like her at times (except I so do not say such stupid things and hope to God I never will!!) but apart from that (and the big knickers actually lol) a vodka and a cigarette will solve just about any problem!!
My mission was to tackle my mothers loft as I have all of my life stored up there. Sadly as I no longer have a home of my own I have taken over the loft to store my bits (more like tons) of stuff in the vague hope that one day I will eventually have my own place again ... ha bloody ha! Anyway, my Mum will soon be moving so I thought that it was about time to sort my things out and get them all organised so that they can be moved into her new loft ...
Did that take some time. Good grief. And there went my back at the same time. After four hours of moving boxes and balancing on little strips of wood, falling over clutter and throwing a cup of milo out the hatch to spray far and wide below, up the walls and everything else, I was also struggling to walk! So, I left it at that and will attempt it again tomorrow morning. Hmm, well, we'll see.
So after that joyful experience, I limped home to sit on the couch again - since I love it so much - eat Chinese, and watch Bridget Jones. I realised that (and this is only after watching Pride & Prejudice) that they are both very similar. Bridget Jones is a modern Pride & Prejudice. Anyway, I digress as usual, Bridget Jones has nothing to do with me sitting on the couch ... apart from the fact that I feel just like her at times (except I so do not say such stupid things and hope to God I never will!!) but apart from that (and the big knickers actually lol) a vodka and a cigarette will solve just about any problem!!
Being Sick ...
Is truly bloody miserable. My word. Its ok when there are people at home and you can whinge and be looked after by someone or be cuddled by your partner (well that wouldn't be happening with me anyway as after a year he's STILL in another country) but when you're sitting home alone it is soooo boring!
I came home half day yesterday, and that was ok, I pottered about, slept, caught up on emails whilst cuddled up under the duvet ... but today! Man! I was in bed until after 12 and time still dragged. It seems to go even slower when you feel rubbish, and today was no exception!
I spent enough time staring at my laptop screen so that I may just as well have done to work lol. Although I did fall asleep watching Obelix & Asterix - when was the last time anyone watched that?? Its wicked ... although I did fall asleep. Will have to finish it tonight!
Apart from that, not a lot going on ... Hopefully by the morning I will be well enough to drag myself into work!
Hurt
I have just added the Video Bar to my blog, and the first song I loaded was Johnny Cash, Hurt. This song is so so true and so heart wrenching. It makes me cry whenever I listen to it.
I think its so amazing, the life he had, the chances he had, the opportunities, and he would give it all up for the one person he loves - for anyone that doesn't know, he released this song not long after June's death. It was written by Trent Resner of Nine Inch Nails originally, and is an amazing song, no matter who covers it.
This song really makes me think, about love and life and whether we have something that we would give up everything for. Surely, if you do, that must be an amazing feeling; to have that someone that you would give up everything and everyone for - giving it up shouldn't be hard.
Returning to Normality
Well ... I've been away some time. I flew to Namibia at the last minute, as I seem to do every time, on the 21st of December, and spent two weeks there. Very nearly didn't come back!! We spent a couple of days in Windhoek, drove to Omaruru and spent three days there, then hit the long road North - all 1000 odd km's of it! What a trip, my ass was so sore. But how amazing! Its been many years since I last drove that road, and it was honestly amazing. The road just goes on and on, you can see for miles ahead of you and it ust never seems to end.
The heat was so intense. We left at 6:30am from Omaruru and hit the road in a crappy old Golf that completely amazed me by actually making it there and back! We hit Rundu at around lunch, bought some new windscreen wipers, and carried on into the Caprivi. As we drove North, it just got greener all the way, and by the time we were in the Caprivi it was just beautiful. When we hit the first rain the stifling heat just turned to a cool breeze that was so refreshing after driving so far in such heat. We wouldn't have guessed it as going to rain non stop for the next week that we spent there (its apparently still raining!!)
Arriving at the lodge after sitting down for 10 hours was such a relief, and the first thing we did was sit out on the deck and have a much needed drink! I got to meet my angel's Mum, which was not half as bad as I expected. It is funny how we make so much out of these things when they really are not scary at all! Anyway, this is the view we had as we sat out on the deck:
Hippo Lodge is a very beautiful place, and we spent just over a week there. Unfortunately it rained for most of this time, so getting a tan was out of the question, but I did really relax and spend some time with P and his family, which was actually very nice. As we will one day be moving to the lodge, it was good to see the place again and learn a bit more abouthow its managed and start getting ideas together for how it can be improved. The last time I was on the lodge was nine years ago, so my memory wasn't all up to scratch!!We had a fabulous New Year - it wasn't big or expensive, we just had a lot of people from the town, arrive through out the night, we danced and drank and had a good laugh. I met some really lovely people and thoroughly enjoyed myself. We drank an awful lot, and after only just recovering the following day, we had some more friends arrive, and the drinking started again ... I have to add they didn't stay long as I really would have died if I caried on drinking!
We left a couple of days later, returning to Windhoek via Omaruru again. It just got sadder and sadder as I said goodbyes to more and more people - I absolutely hated leaving. The last two days spent in Windhoek we stayed with friends and worked on the house (for those that don't know I bought a house in Windhoek) as that really needed to be rented and tried to spend as much time as we could together. It was just a nightmare, the day I left I started crying that morning already, such a hopeless case!
Afer sitting with that awful dread on my shoulders all day, leaving was just murder. I cried again, but again just turned around and walked off, I couldn't look back. And then, the bloody government is so considerate, they really don't take this kind of scenario into account - you have to stand there and fill out forms before you can go through to departures!! I hated every second of it, kind of like forcing yourself to go through the motions when everything in you just wants to go the other way.
I got on the plane, and I still wish I hadn't. I sat on the plane and cried - people around me must have thought I was a complete nutter! It wa so hard getting on that plane and leaving him, it really was so hard. I could so easily have turned around and walked away from it and never looked back on England and life here.
3BT
Three Beautiful Things for today ... (really struggling with this today!)
1. My car was not frozen solid this morning - Yay!
2. Alicia and I bought some mad crazy Christmas hats to wear in the office - I now have a bright red cowboy hat with white feather trim sitting on my desk! lol
3. Terry gave me a bottle of wine and a Christmas kiss! He's a honey.
1. My car was not frozen solid this morning - Yay!
2. Alicia and I bought some mad crazy Christmas hats to wear in the office - I now have a bright red cowboy hat with white feather trim sitting on my desk! lol
3. Terry gave me a bottle of wine and a Christmas kiss! He's a honey.
Daily News ...
Well yesterday was a rubbish day and today is shaping up to be pretty much the same! So much for Christmas spirit!
Today, I am so quiet at work that I actually have NOTHING to do and am sitting at my desk twiddling my thumbs and trying to think up ways to pass the day! Wish my life away! I have done a few bits and pieces and ma now trawling the net in search of cheap flights – at Christmas?? What a laugh! The airlines have doubled their already ridiculous prices, and I am now facing a bleak Christmas and New Year in England. It’s so cold L …
Hey, I know this is my own fault due to the fact that I NEVER plan ahead! But hey, if you were stuck in a different country to your boyfriend, wouldn’t you like to try and join him?? So, my dilemma at this moment, is waste a huge amount of money, get into debt, BUT get to spend the time with my favourite person … I think I’m going to waste a HUGE amount of money and go …
This also means that I will be able to catch some sun and have two weeks away from my hectic life at the minute, and instead of fighting with my boyfriend because we have spent 8 weeks together out of 9 months, we’ll actually be talking to each other, so that is a bonus as well!
Apart from that, I am sitting in my office, waiting for Terry to arrive from London, for the final Press Review of the year. We do this once a month, and unfortunately this year seems to be ending on a low note as we are having problems with one of our specialist cars. Terry will be arriving just after 2pm, and I’ll be at lunch between 1 and 2, so that should keep me busy.
So, I will let you know when I make my decision on whether I will be having a warm Christmas or a cold one!
Today, I am so quiet at work that I actually have NOTHING to do and am sitting at my desk twiddling my thumbs and trying to think up ways to pass the day! Wish my life away! I have done a few bits and pieces and ma now trawling the net in search of cheap flights – at Christmas?? What a laugh! The airlines have doubled their already ridiculous prices, and I am now facing a bleak Christmas and New Year in England. It’s so cold L …
Hey, I know this is my own fault due to the fact that I NEVER plan ahead! But hey, if you were stuck in a different country to your boyfriend, wouldn’t you like to try and join him?? So, my dilemma at this moment, is waste a huge amount of money, get into debt, BUT get to spend the time with my favourite person … I think I’m going to waste a HUGE amount of money and go …
This also means that I will be able to catch some sun and have two weeks away from my hectic life at the minute, and instead of fighting with my boyfriend because we have spent 8 weeks together out of 9 months, we’ll actually be talking to each other, so that is a bonus as well!
Apart from that, I am sitting in my office, waiting for Terry to arrive from London, for the final Press Review of the year. We do this once a month, and unfortunately this year seems to be ending on a low note as we are having problems with one of our specialist cars. Terry will be arriving just after 2pm, and I’ll be at lunch between 1 and 2, so that should keep me busy.
So, I will let you know when I make my decision on whether I will be having a warm Christmas or a cold one!
Monday Blues ...
Monday. Sigh.
BUT: I have discovered a new and positive way to try and drag myself out of my nasty state of wanting to hibernate and tell the rest of the world to sod off! Its called 3BT - please note the link to a Blog on your right side of the page called "Three Beautiful Things".
3BT is about naming three things each day that you find beautiful. OK, so because I am such a miserable sod at the minute, thinking of these things does at first seem a little more difficult. I sat at work thinking "What is so bloody nice about this place??" really in a right grump. But now that I think of it, there are things every day that you can really take to heart and think, those little things made my day.
So for today, here are my Three Beautiful Things:
* I won an argument with my exec - Scrooge! (OK, that was evil, but it made me grin!)
* I saw the most beautiful little kitten that needs a home, and I fell in love with him!
* And maybe most importantly, after spending a large part of the last week arguing with my boyfriend, on the end of a message, I got an "I love you".
BUT: I have discovered a new and positive way to try and drag myself out of my nasty state of wanting to hibernate and tell the rest of the world to sod off! Its called 3BT - please note the link to a Blog on your right side of the page called "Three Beautiful Things".
3BT is about naming three things each day that you find beautiful. OK, so because I am such a miserable sod at the minute, thinking of these things does at first seem a little more difficult. I sat at work thinking "What is so bloody nice about this place??" really in a right grump. But now that I think of it, there are things every day that you can really take to heart and think, those little things made my day.
So for today, here are my Three Beautiful Things:
* I won an argument with my exec - Scrooge! (OK, that was evil, but it made me grin!)
* I saw the most beautiful little kitten that needs a home, and I fell in love with him!
* And maybe most importantly, after spending a large part of the last week arguing with my boyfriend, on the end of a message, I got an "I love you".
Scrooge & Christmas Cheer ...
To paint the picture of all of you, I work in quite a big office, there are about 50 of us, dotted across the room in little groups of 4 and 6 as we are split into our various teams. So unfortunately I am in the middle of the room, so when I am as totally bored as I am today, I can’t even surf the internet in peace as I have about 25 people sitting behind me.
Anyway! Now that it is Christmas, the people that are in the cheery Christmas mood have strung up all sorts of gaudy decorations to brighten the office and make it as tacky as possible. We have the most awful tree that should have been burnt about 10 years ago, that is hung with the worst and completely mismatched baubles and strings of cast off tinsel from someone’s house. It does have lights on it though – I am still wondering which skinflint in the office decided to give those treasures up!
So, with all this Christmas cheer all around us, I am quite sad to admit that my little set of 4 desks – the Nissan live fleet team – is the only desks in the office that have NO DECORATIONS. None. Nada. Niks! This is partly because out exec is a mean spirited Scrooge that has told us we can put up minimal decorations, nothing is allowed to hang from the ceiling and we are not to offend our religious colleague. My religious colleague has said that he won’t be offended as he does not celebrate and we can do what we like. So, now that this argument has gone on for over a week, and we are finally given the go ahead, Alicia and I cannot find any flipping decorations to put up!!! Murphy’s bloody law.
We have been to town three times this week alone looking for a little tree, or something that we can use to brighten our desks, that will not offend either the Scrooge or my religious colleague. I fully understand religion and accept it and don’t have any issue with what he believes, however, Scrooge sits there at his desk discussing with us how much his Christmas presents have cost him and in practically the same breath says that he does not celebrate!
I cannot believe that I am working with the reincarnation of Scrooge himself.
Enough complaining about him – back to the point!! The only tree that we could find was a fluffy pink feather one in WH Smith and neither of us were quite into that. So in the whole town, there seems to be a huge shortage of baby Christmas trees. So, I have now hit on a new plan and will possibly go to a nursery over the weekend and buy a real one. Then I can use it every year and when it’s not parked on my desk being pretty with decorations it can either be a bit of greenery for the office or I can take it home and stick it outside the back door.
And tomorrow we get to go for a Christmas meal and a tipple with some of the people from work. We’re going to an Italian for dinner and drinks and will then hit the town if we so fancy. As someone else has just bought out our company, we have not had the normal Christmas Party for the entire company that includes the roast turkey dinner and all the trimmings, so we have settled for the Italian with a few people that are fairly close in our teams – please note that Scrooge has not been invited …
I will update you all on the hangover on Sunday morning ...
Anyway! Now that it is Christmas, the people that are in the cheery Christmas mood have strung up all sorts of gaudy decorations to brighten the office and make it as tacky as possible. We have the most awful tree that should have been burnt about 10 years ago, that is hung with the worst and completely mismatched baubles and strings of cast off tinsel from someone’s house. It does have lights on it though – I am still wondering which skinflint in the office decided to give those treasures up!
So, with all this Christmas cheer all around us, I am quite sad to admit that my little set of 4 desks – the Nissan live fleet team – is the only desks in the office that have NO DECORATIONS. None. Nada. Niks! This is partly because out exec is a mean spirited Scrooge that has told us we can put up minimal decorations, nothing is allowed to hang from the ceiling and we are not to offend our religious colleague. My religious colleague has said that he won’t be offended as he does not celebrate and we can do what we like. So, now that this argument has gone on for over a week, and we are finally given the go ahead, Alicia and I cannot find any flipping decorations to put up!!! Murphy’s bloody law.
We have been to town three times this week alone looking for a little tree, or something that we can use to brighten our desks, that will not offend either the Scrooge or my religious colleague. I fully understand religion and accept it and don’t have any issue with what he believes, however, Scrooge sits there at his desk discussing with us how much his Christmas presents have cost him and in practically the same breath says that he does not celebrate!
I cannot believe that I am working with the reincarnation of Scrooge himself.
Enough complaining about him – back to the point!! The only tree that we could find was a fluffy pink feather one in WH Smith and neither of us were quite into that. So in the whole town, there seems to be a huge shortage of baby Christmas trees. So, I have now hit on a new plan and will possibly go to a nursery over the weekend and buy a real one. Then I can use it every year and when it’s not parked on my desk being pretty with decorations it can either be a bit of greenery for the office or I can take it home and stick it outside the back door.
And tomorrow we get to go for a Christmas meal and a tipple with some of the people from work. We’re going to an Italian for dinner and drinks and will then hit the town if we so fancy. As someone else has just bought out our company, we have not had the normal Christmas Party for the entire company that includes the roast turkey dinner and all the trimmings, so we have settled for the Italian with a few people that are fairly close in our teams – please note that Scrooge has not been invited …
I will update you all on the hangover on Sunday morning ...
Life
I've realised today that life is super odd - only now?? You might say - Yes. Only now.
The people that you love the most you are the rudest to - the people that you dislike you're normally wonderfully polite to even though all the while you're contemplating on what the heaviest object is that you can hit them with ... Even your work colleagues normally get more respect than a family member.
So why do we do this?? Why do we push the ones that we love away? Why gather people around you that you don't really care about, and the ones that you do care for deeply get the tongue lashing of their lives when there is trouble in your life?
Maybe its just because you're not meant to be. Maybe its because you still have some lessons to learn in life, and if those people aren't strong enough to teach you that lesson they will fall by the wayside and never be forgotten, but they will be replaced.
So when is the time to give up and try move on - or is there ever a time to give up? Do you keep fighting although things never change?
The people that you love the most you are the rudest to - the people that you dislike you're normally wonderfully polite to even though all the while you're contemplating on what the heaviest object is that you can hit them with ... Even your work colleagues normally get more respect than a family member.
So why do we do this?? Why do we push the ones that we love away? Why gather people around you that you don't really care about, and the ones that you do care for deeply get the tongue lashing of their lives when there is trouble in your life?
Maybe its just because you're not meant to be. Maybe its because you still have some lessons to learn in life, and if those people aren't strong enough to teach you that lesson they will fall by the wayside and never be forgotten, but they will be replaced.
So when is the time to give up and try move on - or is there ever a time to give up? Do you keep fighting although things never change?
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