Why ...

Am I up and have been since like half past six ...

It is Sunday morning! Very early on a Sunday morning! I think there is something wrong in my brain as first thing in the morning as I get up so early I have about two hours of energy and get loads done, and then shortly after lose all enthusiasm and energy, and spend the rest of the day wanting to go back to sleep. I will then pass out at any time from 7 or 8 onwards if I am in the front of the TV, so try avoid that lol. I think there is something wrong with me. No one should be this tired permanently or sleep as much!

As usual, Swakop being what it is, it is overcast, cloudy, and slightly chilly although thankfully not foggy. Being a Sunday morning it is still quiet in and around, as it seems I am the only idiot that is up at this time. Even the sea is calm.

Christine was meant to be off the lodge yesterday, but thanks to her awesome courage and guts, dragged the entire village and the Women's Rights people to the Governor's office and demanded help - he then arranged an emergency meeting with the Chief on Friday and according to both he and the Land Board she was not to leave the lodge. So Joe moved in on Saturday, and she stayed. We did find out yesterday though that the Governor didn't make it to the Chief, so will hopefully be there on Monday to resolve this. Monday was the meeting where Joe and Christine should have resolved their issue of compensation, but as Joe wants the place for free he has no intention of paying anything for it.

Anyway, the joys of that place. It will be sad if it is lost though. Other than that, I will get another application for a visa this week if I can get the paperwork together - what a drama, am so sick of it. Not worth the issues I swear.

Hippo Lodge

I have decided today that I will start a new blog about the lodge and how things progress there as it could be fascinating following this story. I will also ask Christine if she can get me all the details, as much as she remembers from as far back as possible regarding the court cases and all other details, and get this down in writing.

The latest development there is that Joe has bribed the Chief, posted signs all over the lodge saying Do Not Trespass, and stolen the telephone so Chris has no contact with the outside world. It is unbelievable how he has talked his way through the Chief's, clearly by paying them N$10,000.00 per month and an additional N$120,000.00 per year. I bet he will now pull a Du Toit and start paying the locals off to harass Chris and scare her away. As it is she has apparently been given a week to get off the land. It grates how they expect her to do that in a week. 20 years of living there and that is what you get for it.

It seems that there is no loyalty in their souls for the family that has been there for 20 years - Chris told Pio yesterday that it was 20 years ago yesterday that Henry moved to the lodge. It is heart-breaking that after all this time, after fighting non-stop for all of those years, that everything will be lost because of this one person that has walked in and ripped away their life. And the worst thing is, there is nothing that can be done about it. Nothing because if they do something, they will get sued, and there is no money left. They are seriously in debt, there is just nothing left. All the fight is gone.

Right, so anyway, that is my goal, to write write and write hopefully, if I can get the information out of Chris, and document this all. Everyone keeps saying that it would make a great book - well maybe it will. We have to get it down first. :-)

Friends

My last post was a complete rant about the stupidity of my boyfriend and life. I never even finished it as it just got more ridiculous from there on in. Then, life threw me another curve ball, which I attempted to duck, miscalculated completely it seems, and got smacked in the face.

It turns out that my boyfriend, the one that I gave up my life, friends, family, car, and boys for, took it on himself to cheat on me whilst I was planning to move here. So whilst I was sitting at home planning my move and saving every possible cent that I had to my name, packing and handing in my notice, he was out partying and sticking his tongue down her throat.

Then, after my arrival, when I heard about this, I confronted him with it only to have him lie to me. Seven months later I hear it again and confront him again, only to hear another lie, so eventually approached the girl in question. The maddening thing is, is that this was my so-called friend. She had been welcome in my house, had partied with us, and was (apparently) a good friend. Haven't I been made the fool.

I am sitting here in front of my laptop, debating life. The story gets even more sordid though. Not only did she become my friend, but my other so-called friend told her to not tell me about it as I would be upset - oh gee, I wonder why I would be upset. Over nothing really. My other friend apparently couldn't say whether the deed had happened or not, only that she suspected. So she suspects something but makes sure that the girl in question does NOT tell me anything - so she must have known logically.

Then, my other friends husband, whom I recently decided to view as a friend, when asked the question, mentioned that night as well but said that he wasn't there, which I today found out is a lie as well. He was there and must have known apparently. Gee, who needs liars when you have all these friends around.

This just makes me wonder sadly. I am the type of friend that will fight for you, that will defend you, that will look after you, that will do anything for you. Apparently no one else has these values (I lie, Vicky does) so where does friendship go from here? And honestly, who the f'ing hell can be trusted? I have never done anything to any of these people. Yes, I am a bolshy bitch that says what I feel when I feel it. I am opinionated and will stand up fiercely for whatever I feel is right. It seems that has made me some enemies in this place.

Clearly I do not fit in with the normal, two-faced, lying crowd. But does that mean that I am never going to have any friends in this place? And if you can't trust the people closest to you then who the hell can you trust? Should my "friends" have told me about it or not? I think that they should have. I gave up everything for this man. For nothing it seems.

I am in the process of evaluating my life and trying to figure out what I want. I no longer know how I feel about anything. I couldn't tell you how I feel about my friends or my boyfriend. I don't know whether I will stay here or leave. And if I leave, where do I go?

Hell

The last week has been something else entirely. I guess you don't realise how good your life is until something is taken away and then you really have to sit back and evaluate things. I have had to do a lot of evaluation this week and I still do not know where I stand, so the war on the inside continues!

Last Friday was OUR birthday. It turns out that for Pio this seemed to be an issue all of a sudden. I had been sick with bronchitis as I previously said, so for me who was still feeling shit, I didn't want to do a lot as I was paranoid about smoking at whilst having bronchitis as it then turns to pneumonia, and the doctor had warned me of this already. Anyway, on the good side, my Mom sent me a massive bunch of roses that are still alive a week later!! Yay! I got Pio a pair of shoes and he got me 3 red roses and an IOU to go to a lodge one day when we have money.

It was on Friday that I finally finished the course of antibiotics and steroids that I had been given, and came off the cough mixture and nasal spray blah blah blah. Unfortunately I didn't feel any better and so I thought I should get the doctor out of the way on Friday afternoon instead of having to get up on Saturday morning. The only appointment I could get was 5pm, which wasn't ideal, but I thought it would take ten minutes. Unfortunately Dr Bierman must have been running really late as we sat waiting for an hour.

By the time I saw him it was 6pm, and then after listening to my chest again he referred me for x-rays which he said had to be done the following day and brought straight back to him. That being Saturday morning. So we went out for dinner, Pio had by now said what an inconvenience it was to have our birthday on the same day, which upset me really, because he wanted to do something big and I was still too sick and didn't want to drink as then I would smoke. So we went for dinner AFTER me telling him to go out with his friends if he was going to be that way. I would then go home as I didn't want to make myself more sick.

So of course he was the perfect boyfriend and came with me to dinner and was great all night. Hope rang me as well so got to chat to her for a while which was fantastic. Pio was also on and off the phone with his mother etc etc. We got home after 9pm and pretty much went straight to bed.

Saturday we were just at home and I wanted to go to the SPCA in Walvis - this as a follow up from meeting Clara here and wanting a dog. So he eventually agreed and we took a drive through. It was absolutely heart-breaking to see all those animals there, I kept swallowing tears. We drove back mostly along the beach, seeing 4 dead sea-turtles on the stretch between Long Beach and Swakop, which broke my heart even more so had to swallow more tears!! Back in town we decided to stop at WurstBude for a pizza which we did, it was great, and whilst there I told Pio to invite Gustav and Janine to come and sit with us in the sun and have a drink. Seems that was my fatal mistake. Apparently there was a Motorcross on the go and they were there.

The tricky bit was, I apparently had to be home at 4 to speak to my Mom who was ringing with a surprise, but the camera on the webcam hadn't been working for a week and Pio knew it. We got home at 2:36pm and he had to get that sorted as he hadn't done it before. He then said we could be home by 4pm to talk to the family, that wouldn't be a problem. So I said well then if you aren't going to be that long, go on your own as I am tired. Then all of a sudden as I wasn't going there was no need for him to come along and he couldn't really tell me when he would be home.

So alarm bells went off in my head. I know what he turns into around his mates when he is alone with them and drinking. So now he couldn't tell me when he would be home. He obviously has no interest in talking to my family either and never has said more than hell to them, when I get the phone forced on me constantly to talk to anyone who rings unless I run out the room and hide. So anyway, that then blew up into an argument as by now it was 3pm and he said then fine, if he has to be back by 4pm then he wouldn't go. My point was that he had known the time all along and now it was an issue???

Turns out it was a major issue. I said to him go then, but of course now he was stubborn and being a dick so blankly refused. I spoke to my family and the only surprise was that everyone was there to talk to me for once which was nice, so did get to chat to pretty much everyone, even Anita. After that conversation, where I was by now so irritated that I was snapping at my family, and told them straight that if my visa application wasn't in very shortly and that the issues weren't sorted then I would be coming home sooner rather than later.

After that call, it was then 5pm, and I went to try and talk to him again. I hate not talking, and I hate leaving arguments unsolved and hanging. I want them sorted and resolved then and there so that we can move on. He however is different, and when he digs his heels in then that is it and talking to him is a complete waste of time as he turns into an arrogant dick. He then proceeded to blame me for everything, the fact that he never goes anywhere, that he never sees his friends, etc etc, and of course when I tired to point out why I was just nailed as then hey, I was of course going to hold it against him for the rest of his life and never get over it and he would never be able to do anything. There was no point arguing, and eventually he had me in tears, as it seems to him that I must let his friends call me a whore and shut up about it, not fighting back of course.

It was long gone 6pm and dark when eventually I just gave up. I was being shouted at or ignored, he was being nasty to me, and I was tired of crying, so for once I did what he ALWAYS does - I got up, I got dressed, and went out to meet Anschen who had rung me earlier asking what I as doing. She was out with Waldo and Celia, so I joined them at Rafters.

I did text Pio saying that if he wanted me to come home than I would but hey, of course he couldn't stoop so low as to ask the girl that he supposedly loves to come home, so that developed into another argument. I then said well if that was it then I would simply stay out and behave like everyone else in this country as maybe that was how I would fit in, if I was a whore like all of them clearly are.

From Rafters we moved to Groenekrans, and I spoke to everyone, but eventually Waldo and I landed up sitting next to each other and talking - we had an absolutely great conversation about religion and life, and by 10:30ish I remember looking at my phone for the first time in ages and had like 3 messages from Pio and one missed call. So I decided ok, he was obviously worried by his now angry text messages (don't forget he has done this to me 100 times) and got in my car and went home. Only to find - - - GUESS WHAT???? He wasn't there of course. And on top of that, not only was he not there, but he had left his phone at home so that I couldn't get hold of him.

I thought OK, took the phones in case he rang me from somewhere, and went out again. I drove all over, to Janine and Gustav's house, then all over to every pub in town looking for Gustav's car as I naturally assumed that they would be together. I finally phoned Janine assuming that I would be waking her up - she told me that they were on the beach and Pio wasn't with them. I told her I couldn't find them and she said to let her know - I agreed and said I was going to keep looking but now had no idea what I was looking for.

I eventually went back to Groenies and called Anschen to come out. We went back in together but by this time I was so mad I just sat there whilst everyone talked around me really. I landed up finally having a conversation with some other random guy and taking a bet with him about his occupation, when Anschen walked over and said to me that Pio had just walked in. I spotted him, and then went over and gave him his phone. I wasn't rude at all. Neither was he. I went back to my friends and he went back to whoever he was with when next thing, Rulf comes over and drags me out to talk to me - well what an ass he was. Stupid fool, will not go into that conversation.

After Anschen saved me and went home with the rest of the crowd, I went to find Pio to say that OK, we had best go home and stop bing such an ass, it was over now. Well, he had found Eddie from Katima and so that was that, he was staying to drink. So we stayed a bit longer and of course he was super sweet to me and all over me. When the lights came on and I was trying to get them out the door, look who walked in but Gustav. He took one look at us and if looks could kill we would be dead. I had forgotten to let them know that I had found the idiot so they had come looking for us. (In the middle of all of this somewhere Gustav had rung me and I had screamed at hm and told him exactly what I thought of him and Pio which I think prompted him to come looking for us).

I bolted after him, apologising profusely, explained what had happened and he calmed down. Next thing, Pio arrives with Eddie and his girlfriend and they are now coming back to our house - this is of course another one of his games so that he doesn't have to be alone with me. Somehow he and Gustav got into a massive fight, and almost punched each other, it was ridiculous. Pio kept telling me to f off and how he doesn't want me in his life anymore. In front of a street full of people. I even got in the car and drove off and then went back to try and get him in the car and home. Long story short, it was just a mess. I took Janine home and managed to find Pio along the way as he had run off in a fit. He then jumped out the car and after dropping Janine off I had to chase him, it was just pathetic. Gustav had to come help me, and eventually we parked the Pajero and I got in with him to keep looking.

We did eventually find him, he came back to the house, but ran away and hid when he saw us, then had to be coaxed out like a bloody animal, it was just ridiculous. Gustav was a great help and gave him a good talking to - funny thing is how it didn't last. Gustav actually came up for m for once, I was so shocked I almost fell over, he really defended me and told Pio to wake up.

Amazing that a week later, today, nothing has helped or sunk in as typically, he is being a dick again and I am being ignored and treated like shit. What a life I chose, thinking it would be such a dream come true and that I would be happy. Funny really. I am going to go for the minute as I am sitting outside, it is baking hot and I am going to die. I will continue in a little bit.

Public Holiday Thursday!

Well, it is a public holiday here, and as Murphy's law would have it, of course the sun has stopped shining. It shone all week whilst all of us were at work. Brilliant, bright and warm sunshine. Then, the one day that we all have off, it is overcast, cold, windy, and miserable. Now that is annoying. So instead of being on the beach and enjoying our day, we are once again sitting inside waiting for better days ... literally ...

So I got up nice and early, did the washing, did the ironing, cleaned the kitchen, had breakfast, and am now trying to catch up with emails and blog and do all of that. Made the bed, wrote Pio's birthday cards, fed the cats, etc etc ... Pio did nothing ... lol

So tomorrow is our birthday, and as plans for getting a puppy fell through and he certainly unfortunately is not getting me Clara I think this is going to be rather a boring birthday. Once again we have no money! I so badly wanted to go away this weekend, get out of Swakop, get away from these people and have some time at a lodge or some place where we could really just chill and not think about anything stressful. As usual, there is no money, this time thanks to the new Toyota that we are getting.

So fair enough it is a good car and it's a bargain etc etc but it does mean that we can't do anything, can't afford presents (of which I got him anyway as you can't have a birthday with no presents) so we will see. I think it's going to be another washout as usual. Seems our birthdays are doomed. I really didn't mean this to be so down and grumpy but apparently that is how I am feeling and I didn't even really realise that. I wanted us to have a good birthday and we can't even afford to do anything nice. It seems that we can NEVER afford anything.

Anyway, so tomorrow is our birthday, Pio is working as usual, so I will be sitting at home on my own for the day cleaning and ironing and cooking as usual. Yay. Looks set to be a fab day.

The Bird

This little bird was the funniest thing ever. I do regret not taking any photos of the little thing, as it would have been great to stick up a photo of it now.

Nala caught it on Sunday the 3rd May, dragging it in the back door proudly whilst Pio, Tiaan, Vicky and I sat around the table playing poker. Vicky was the first to spot it, crying out "Oh my God, she's got a bird" which meant I took a flying leap off my chair and chased her around the house, eventually tackling her before being able to get the poor little scrap away from the evil jaws of death. So it sat in my shirt shaking madly whilst we finished our poker game, and then as I had no box or anything to put it in we used a cooler box with a towel and a hot water bottle inside to keep Birdy warm.

Needless to say, it survived the night in the cooler box, and the following morning before anyone woke up I crept out onto our roof and let it out to see if it could fly again. Well, it couldn't. What it did do though was bomb off the side of the roof into the neighbours garden before I could catch it against the ledge running around the top of the roof. So I thought well hey, leave it there for the day or at least until I can get a cage sorted for the poor thing, and then could go catch it again.

I couldn't find a cage, so eventually at like 6pm that night I sent Pio to go and look for it, and he couldn't find it - whether this was by choice or whether he was just being really blind, I do not know - but at any rate, we thought that it had possibly made its way into a tree and would survive on its own.

Half an hour later Nala dragged it back through the door. Which resulted in another running, tackling, rescuing drama and from my shirt back into its cooler box where it spent yet another night. The following day it really couldn't keep living in a cooler box and still couldn't fly, so I gave up and locked it in the spare room where it got to hop around everywhere on his own and do as he pleased with water in a shot glass and some bread crumbled up.

He landed up living in there for a week, got his own wild bird food, and expelled more birdy-poo than you can ever imagine could ever come from something so small, all over the beautiful polished wooden floors ... So by Saturday we decided that it really couldn't love there anymore and no one had a cage for us - it also still couldn't fly. To top this off, Nala and Zazu were having a very adverse reaction to the poor little thing and peeing all over the house which really was the end of the rope for me. So they got belted and their noses rubbed in it and little Birdy was taken off to SPCA in the cat basket - how ironic.

Seriously though, the little bugger has a death wish. He escaped through the tiny little blocks in the front of the cat basket and straight out the front door of the SPCA and was chased by two cats and God knows how many dogs as he shot through their enclosure - for being injured, this little thing moved like a bat out of hell, really, he was super fast! And once again, he survived all of this, and the last I saw of him he was in a proper bird cage with water and food and shrieking his head off. So, unless he has escaped again, he seems to be doing quite well bless him, he was too cute.

Sadly though, this little trip to the SPCA resulted in us taking a walk around and looking at all the animals. They really do have the most beautiful kittens, really, I was so tempted, but the animal that really caught my heart was a Ridgeback cross Boerbull female that had the most beautiful and sad brown eyes. We spent a little time with her, but as she was apparently already taken, the most we could do was leave our number and hope that the people that wanted her dropped out.

The following Monday came and no phonecall, so by Wednesday I rang them only to be told that the people hadn't turned up but someone else was interested in her and she had been spayed but that said people had not paid for her so they still didn't know. I still haven't had a phonecall so she has probably been re-homed by now. She really broke my heart, I would have absolutely loved to have her. For a little while I had a suspicion that Pio had somehow arranged her for me as the stories got a little confusing between the SPCA and him, but I have since realised that this is hoping for way too much and that I probably won't even get a birthday present. I can only hope that Clara has been given a good home and will be spoilt for all her days.

Oh dear God, I am sick!

Yes, I am. As in really sick.

I have not been able to get over this flu, so now today it is officially the 9th day of being sick, and as usual I was just plodding along hoping that by tomorrow I would feel better, same shit different day basically! Whilst standing in CNA I swallowed, don't ask me what or why, and my ear felt like it was going to explode. I almost screamed. When the pain lessened, and I could walk on again, it was painful, but every now and then kept throbbing and paining and swallowing / yawning / talking wasn't pleasant.

Anyway, that was just the end. The Pajero was standing at the car wash so I had time to kill, and I walked into the doctor and asked for an appointment, just saying that I would sit and wait until he could see me. I waited an hour at any rate, but it was worth it. Just before going in, Janine and Gustav arrived - what a coincidence - as Janine was seeing the doctor as well. So got to catch up with her as I haven't seen her in ages.

Anyway, once the Doctor saw me and inspected me and looked in ears, throat and listened to chest, I have been diagnosed with Bronchitis, a sinus infection and an ear infection so my poor ear drum is swollen which is what is causing all the pain. Anyway, my chest must be quite bad as he said if it isn't better by Friday I MUST see him again and will then be sent for x-rays to assess the damage and to start treatment before it turns to pneumonia. Thrilling stuff. So now I am popping antibiotics, steroids, sticking nasal spray up my nose, drinking flu effervescents AND cough mixture. I'm going to be as high as a kite.

It is of course Murphy's law that the only time that I am working is the time that I get seriously ill and feel too bad to take time off. It is just ridiculous really, honestly, what are the chances. Anyway, this has taken absolutely ages or me to plough through writing ever so slowly and stupidly - honestly, flu should come with a warning: "May cause stupidity".

I am going to bed.

Cooking

For some reason I seem to be rather preoccupied with cooking lately, which is making me wonder if I am really getting old here ... I am making stuff that I have never had an interest in making before and actually getting some pleasure from it lol.

My first attempt a few weeks ago was a chocolate cake which was a flop but still tasted very nice so that was great, we covered it in caramel and chocolate and that was what counted more than anything else really.

Then yesterday in the midst of my flu I decided to make tomato chutney. Chopping about 30 tomatoes isn't really that much fun but got it done and then had to cook it for what seemed like hours. I actually made two - one with chilli's and one without. Tasting them halfway through I almost died as the only thing I could taste in my flu-ed up state was vinegar, but it seemed that leaving it to cool then made it better and today we had our first fried egg and chutney sandwich! It was great!

Today my task is oxtail, which I have never cooked before as well, so will see how that turns out. It has been cooking for like two hours already so will add the potatoes soon and again, hope for the best ...

Then, this week I have to make a cake for Pio to take to work as it's our birthday on Friday so this is going to be interesting!

Work !?!?

Yes, how strange is that, I am working and have been since Thursday the 7th! It's a favour for the guy that finally fixed the Pajero, so isn't exactly hard work nor is it strenuous and the people are pleasant and fun. It is also half day most of the time so it is nice actually, I still have the other half of the day to clean up and do whatever it is that keeps me busy!

But then, Murphy's law, I got sick and have been all week. It has been horrendous. Proper flu, this has not just been a cold, and because I only started so recently there was no way that I was able to take any time off so had to slog through the whole week feeling like I was dying on my feet and coughing up lots of green goo along with my lungs. Every afternoon I would stumble home and get into bed and stay there til the next morning when I had to get up and go to work ...

That meant that by this morning, a sunny Saturday, when we got woken up at stupid o clock by Pio's phone ringing for work, I had to get up and start the mountain of washing that had to be done. It's now almost 3pm and it isn't finished and it isn't all dry and has only left me with what is going to be a massive pile of ironing!! Yippee, am thrilled, particularly as still have more washing to do. And I am exhausted and am still struggling with the horrendous leftovers from this flu and just want to sleep and spend the day in bed.

But oh well, now that the house is clean and the animals are happy and the washing is almost done I am going to lie on the couch in my own cinema and hopefully sleep for the rest of this short day and eat rubbish!!

Tursday 30 April 2009 - Ethan's Birthday

Today is Ethan's 7th birthday, which he shared with his great-grandfather. Quite an amazing thing really, that he was born on his great-grandfathers birthday as well. This is one of the best photos I have - all 4 generations:


This was taken Christmas 2004 I think before my Grandfather passed away, and is a photo I will cherish forever. Today Ethan is 7 and growing so fast, he is his own independent little person and sitting ere 6000 miles away, I miss both of the boys like mad. Today I cried - it is really hard not being there for them on days like this. Ethan also said to my Mother this week that he wishes I hadn't moved as he doesn't get to see me anymore, just a "false" me - which I assume is what he thinks the webcam is. That broke my heart, it is very sad.

I watched John Grogan's Marley and Me this week - and that made me cry as well (hmmm, all this emotion could be pointing to a certain time of month approaching come to think of it) but it has to be one of the most touching stories I have watched and would love to get the book. The way it was portrayed in the movie was just brilliant, and I am sure that the book will be even better - and even more touching as it is a true story. Pio and I agreed that no, we definitely don't want as crazy a mutt as Marley, but a puppy would be fantastic. My cats are gorgeous, but they are not the same as a dog (although Zazu isn't far off admittedly, he could very well be the Marley of cats the way he destroys everything in sight). So now I get to look for a puppy!!

The week has flown by as usual. I have finished my three movies and sent them out to everyone - the one of Ethan and Aaron, Sharon and I, and the second one of Pio and I that came out very well and made me laugh my head off. So Vegas is a very cool toy!! I will keep making movies to keep me occupied and pass the day!

The Pajero is once again parked in the drive and is now running - however as usual, it now needs MORE work doing to it that I am just furious about. Am so sick of this car causing nothing but trouble. So now I am able to drive it, although it has the worst brakes in the world as that is the next thing that needs doing, along with the universal joints, then the window winders that are breaking need replacing as well, and heaven only knows what else will come up!! It's about time a match went in the petrol tank! And don't even get me started on the Toyota!

Vicky and Tiaan are coming for the weekend - oh crap, have the meat on the stove - so it will be fun. It's a long weekend, so am sure it will be busy and a lot of fun. I am feeling very tired as usual so hope I can keep up with the rest of the crazies ...

Right, let me go and finish the washing and cleaning and and and ...